Miserere Nobis!

Hilfe für Katholikinnen und Katholiken mit ungewollten gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen

Selbstmitleid

Selbstmitleid


"Unter Selbstmitleid wird ein Verhalten verstanden, auf Missgeschicke, eigenes Versagen und Unfähigkeit negativ zu reagieren (im Extrem: „alles hat sich gegen mich verschworen“). Mangelnde Selbstkritik und die Weigerung, übergeordnete Gesichtspunkte einschließlich der Häufung von ungünstigen Zufällen nüchtern einzubeziehen, kommen hinzu.
Selbstmitleid wirkt sich auf die Gefühle und das Denken, und damit auf das Verhalten, aus. Der Selbstbemitleidende neigt mehr und mehr zu negativem Denken, fühlt sich selbst als Opfer schwieriger Verhältnisse, vernachlässigt und ungeliebt von anderen. Trauergefühle, Ärger, Ängste und Hoffnungslosigkeit kennzeichnen seine Gefühlswelt.
Das gezeigte Verhalten wird immer passiver und zunehmend von Resignation geprägt. Das Interesse an der Umwelt lässt nach und die Person zieht sich in Extremfällen gänzlich zurück."
(Wikipedia)

Das Kind in uns


Ein wesentliches Charakteristikum bei vielen Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen und möglicherweise einer der Faktoren, die zur Entwcklung von Homosexualität beitragen: das Kind in uns.

Vorab: Hierzu empfehlen wir ausdrücklich, die Werke von van den Aardweg, Joe Dallas und Joseph Nicolosi zu lesen. Männern empfehlen wir weiterhin besonders das Programm "Men's Fraternity" (www.mensfraternity.com)

Um es mal kurz zusammen zu fassen: Theorien gehen in etwa dahin, dass vermutet wird, dass bei manchen Homosexuellen in der Kindheit Situationen eingetreten sind, die sie glauben ließen, sie werden nicht geliebt. Es kommt hierbei wohlgemerkt weniger darauf an, ob sie tatsächlich geliebt wurden oder nicht - wichtig ist, wie sie ihre Kindheit empfunden haben.

Es kommt nun zur Ausbildung und Entwicklung von Selbstmitleid - allerdings nicht nur im allseits bekannten Sinn, sondern tragischerweise als eine Form des Selbst-Tröstens und letztlich als ein Mittel, um emotional zu überleben. Das Kind sieht sich gleichsam von außen, bemitleidet sich selbst in seiner empfundenen lieblosen Situation (manchmal kommt hier auch noch verbaler, körperlicher, emotionaler, psychischer oder sexueller Missbrauch hinzu). Es tröstet sich gleichsam selbst, es gibt sich selbst die Liebe, von dem es glaubt, sie nirgendwo sonst herbekommen zu können.

Irgendwann verselbständigt sich dieses Selbstmitleid - ohne dass es diesen Menschen bewusst wird oder dass sie dies wollen. Sie verfallen in eine Opferrolle, sehen alles nur mehr negativ und sehen sich ihr ganzes Leben lang als ungeliebt - und wohl auch nicht liebens-werte - Männer und Frauen. Ihre Grundstimmung ist traurig bis depressiv, "selbstmitleidig" (sie trösten sich weiterhin selbst), verzweifelt, hoffnungslos und manchmal sogar suizidal.

Hinzu kommt (vor allem bei Männern), dass sie es irgendwann - meist aufgrund eines körperlich oder emotional nicht anwesenden oder zugänglichen Vaters - aufgegeben haben, Anschluss an die gleichgeschlechtliche Welt (also in diesem Fall die Welt der Männer) zu finden. Sie lernen nie richtig, was es heißt, ein Mann zu sein und bleiben so gleichsam ewig ein Junge. Der "kleine Junge" in ihnen kommt immer wieder zum Vorschein - mit all seinen Bedürfnissen und Wünschen. Oft benimmt man sich dann auch wie ein "kleiner Junge": man reagiert nicht wie ein erwachsener Mann, sondern eher sehr emotional und unvernünftig (eben wie ein "kleiner Junge"). Tragischerweise aber wie ein kleiner Junge, der geliebt werden will.

Hier ist es unerlässlich, dass die Betroffenen lernen, sich dessen bewusst zu sein, schrittweise gesunde gleichgeschlechtliche Beziehungen aufzubauen, aber ebenso, ihre eigene Identität als Mann oder Frau zu finden. Gerade bei Männern kommt es durchaus nicht selten vor, dass sie nie überhaupt gelernt haben, was das eigentlich heißt: ein Mann zu sein. Dies können sie aber nur in Kontakt mit anderen Männern lernen (siehe auch Sprüche 27,17).

Ebenso muss man sich der Bedürfnisse bewusst werden, die hinter den oft vehementen Reaktionen stehen. Die Bedürfnisse, die dieses "Kind in uns" hat. Nicht, um uns derer zu schämen, sondern um sie zu erkennen und erst einmal anzunehmen. Schließlich aber auch, um deren Befriedigung auf gesunde Art und Weise anzugehen und in den jeweiligen Situationen zu erkennen, dass das kleine Kind jetzt gerade zum Vorschein kommt - und dann den erwachsenen Mann / die erwachsene Frau die Kontrolle übernehmen zu lassen.

Bei Bedarf kann hierbei natürlich ein Psychotherapeut oder christlicher Seelsorger, eventuell auch eine Selbsthilfegruppe oder ein Programm wie "Men's Fraternity" behilflich sein.

(Anmerkung: dies sollen keine medizinisch-/therapeutischen Ratschläge sein. Es ist eine Zusammenfassung unserer eigenen Erfahrungen sowie von frei auf dem Markt erhältlicher Literatur. Bei Bedarf weisen wir ausdrücklich darauf hin, Fachleute aufzusuchen).


Dr. George W. Truett erzählte von einem Mann, dessen Frau nach kurzer Krankheit von ihm genommen wurde und ihn mit einer fünfjährigen Tochter zurückgelassen hat. Die zwei kehrten nach dem Begräbnis nach Hause zurück und das kleine Mädchen weinte bis spät in die Nacht während ihr Vater versuchte, sie zu trösten. Nach einer Weile hörte das Mädchen auf zu weinen - sie versuchte den Kummer ihres Vaters zu stillen. "Und in der Dunkelheit dieser stillen Zeit blickte der große Mann durch die Dunkelheit zu Gott und sagte: "Ich vertraue Dir, aber es ist so dunkel wie um Mitternacht." Und das kleine Mädchen fing wieder zu schluchzen an und der Vater sagte: "Hey - Papa hat gedacht, du wärst schon eingeschlafen, mein Schatz." Und sie sagte: "Papa, hast du es schon einmal so dunkel gesehen? Papa, es ist so dunkel - ich kann dich nicht mal sehen." Und dann fuhr das kleine Ding schluchzend fort: "Aber Papa, du liebst mich auch, wenn es dunkel ist, oder? Du liebst mich auch, wenn ich dich nicht sehe, oder, Papa?" Er langte mit seinen großen Händen hinüber und nahm das kleine Mädchen aus ihrem Bettchen, nahm sie zu sich an sein großes Herz und bemutterte sie, bis sie schließlich schluchzend einschlief. Als sie eingeschlafen war, nahm er das Weinen seines Babys auf und gab es an Gott weiter und sagte: "Vater, es ist so dunkel wie um Mitternacht. Ich kann überhaupt nichts mehr sehen. Aber Du liebst mich, wenn es dunkel ist, oder?" Und dann war die Dunkelheit wie der neue Morgen! Gott kommt immer zu Menschen, die Ihm vertrauen." (A Quest For Souls)


"Uns wird erzählt, dass ein Christ zu sein Freude, Friede und Zufriedenheit bedeutet. Glücklich missdeuten wir das und denken, ein Christ hat nie Probleme oder Schmerzen. Schließlich werden wir ja von unserem allmächtigen Bodyguard davor bewahrt, unsere Jobs zu verlieren, an Krankheit zu leiden oder Unfälle zu haben, die nur "anderen" Menschen zustoßen. Wir wollen das glauben und so tun wir es auch. Diese Lüge ist vielleicht der heimtückischste religiöse Trugschluss in der Christenheit. (...) Das wird zu einer Quelle der Verbitterung und des Ärgers - das Leben bekommt einen faden Beigeschmack. Gott wird oft zum Sündenbock für all den Schmerz gemacht, den wir empfinden, wenn Er uns nicht sofort zu Hilfe eilt (...) Ion Wahrheit ist das Leben schwer. Glaube macht es weniger schwer - nicht indem er uns zu Hilfe eilt und unsere Probleme löst, sondern weil er uns ein Hilfsmittel gibt, um mit diesen Problemen umzugehen." (Christ Thurman, The Lies We Believe: The #1 Cause of our Unhappiness)



Wenn wir uns hilflos fühlen...
...können wir Gott preisen, dass Er den Hilflosen hilft!

Wenn wir uns gottlos fühlen...
...können wir Gott preisen, dass er die Sünder liebt!

Wenn wir Angst haben...
...können wir Gott preisen, dass er Gutes aus all dem Unheil hervorbringt!

Wenn wir in Versuchung sind...
...können wir Gott preisen, dass er die Macht der Homosexualität gebrochen hat!

Wenn wir uns verwirrt fühlen, was unsere sexuelle Identität betrifft,
...können wir Gott preisen, dass er uns heterosexuell erschaffen und erlöst hat!




From Homosexuals Anonymous online:

Yes, at times it does seem like God has forsaken us, though He tells that, " ...be content with such things as ye have; for he hath said, I will never leave , nor forsake thee." Heb. 13:6 Life all rounds seems like it is out of control. And in reality to my way of thinking it is.
The power of the prince of the air, Satan seems to be getting more and more in control of things, yet he does as much as God gives him leash. But we also know this, God is in control and he is letting man to see that his ways are not best when left to his own devices and ways. We, on a personal level have tried to go life on our own way, leaving God out of the picture and living life our own way against His laws. So, as with any action, there is always a consequence. We are suffering from our own actions.
However, as dire as that sounds, that is not the end of the story. God is in Control, and He will have the last say and His way promises us eternal life with the groaning's and moaning's of the earth which are suffering the consequences of sin, to come to and end. The end of the book of Revelation describes earth made anew, with sin wiped out, Satan bound so he can no longer influence the world, and where every tear will be wiped away never to be shed ever again.
This is where faith comes in. Faith is hard, for certain. We always want something we can see, we can grasp a hold of. But with God, that is not what faith is. Faith is as Michael Card sings :
Galatians 3; Romans 3:22
To hear with my heart
To see with my soul
To be guided by a hand I cannot hold
To trust in a way I cannot see
That's what faith must be.
We need to Let Him, trust Him and wait beyond at times what seems beyond human measure. Unfortunately we live in a McDonald's fast paced, want now world. We want and expect God to deliver what we want right now. That is not the way He is. We cannot of course understand His ways and why He allows to wait and to suffer sometimes so much. Our ways and His ways are far apart.
But if we look at what He says in scripture and look at His creation, and stop, look and listen to Him, then we begin to understand in small measure whom He is , why He makes us to wait on His timing.
You are fretting over lack of friends. Could it be you have those friends already and do not realize it. God places people in our lives to be there in His place often to be one to whom we listen to His word, to whom we receive comfort, to whom we have a shoulder to cry on, to whom will listen to our cries.
Friends do not happen overnight. It takes time to develop a friendship Look how long it took you to become His friend. He was always there for you waiting for you to come along, and in time you did. And as said recently,
true friends are hard to find. Friends unfortunately do not measure up to what we would like them to be. Friends we lie and deceive us, whereas God never does. He is always faithful and true.



This world without God would never be a world. It cannot of itself become something. Something cannot develop out of nothing unless God speaks it into existence. Anything else, evolution etc. is nothing more than lies from Satan. He will use and has used the same arguments over the centuries to deceive us and to try to make us believe that God is Dead. Today he is using the media and books to try and deceive us with the likes of The Divinci Codes and The Judas We Never Knew. Thes are not new lies. They are the same lies he has used since the beginning, but dressed in a different package. If he can make people to believe that the scriptures have even one lie, then everything else is the scriptures cannot be trusted as truth neither.
When Adam and Eve were in the Garden, he did not use outward lies to deceive them, he told them half truths, and planted doubt in their minds as to what God said by twisting the words of God around so that it sounded like God actually said something else. And this has always been his main tact to deceive people since the beginning.
So, if you are having doubts about God, and what he says, stop and consider where these ideas are coming from. They are not from your own mind, but thoughts planted there by Satan himself to deceive you, so that he can cause you to turn away from God and throw your life away.
But, if you truly were once saved, then nothing, nothing at all can ever take your salvation away.
"For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels, nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Rom. 8:38,39
Though you may have doubts at times, and we all do, you can never, ever lose your salvation. Though you may turn your back on God, He will not turn His back on you. Though you may return to a life of sin, you may lose some rewards prepare for you, you will still never see hell.
Be assured my friend, God loves you with an immeasurable amount of love that we can never fathom. Though He may seem at times to have forsaken you, be sure He has not.
As the poem "Footprints In The Sand" tells us, it is at those times when we least thought that He was there, that He was lifting us up.




Though satan would want me to believe that God has forsaken me, the Truth say in Psalm 139, that He has loved me since I was conceived in my mother's womb until this very day. Since He has always loved me, He will not abandon me. Also, in Isaiah God says even if your mother should forget you I will not for sake you for I have carved your name on palms of my hand.

B.




Brothers,
I am sharing this with you all as it may be helpful.It was sent to the daily devotions group as an "extra Devotion".
There is still room if you wish to have a devotion sebt to your email address.
By His grace alone,
billb

God's Silence- Then What?


"When He heard that he was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was" John 11:6


Has God trusted you with His silence- a silence that has great meaning? God's there anything comparable to those days in your life? Can God trust you like that, or are you still asking Him for a visible answer? God will give you the very blessings you ask if you refuse to go any further without them, but His silence is the sign that He is bringing you into an even more wonderful understanding of Himself. Are you mourning before God because you have not had an audible response? When you cannot hear God, you will find that He has trusted you in the most intimate way possible- with absolute silence, not a silence of despair, but one of pleasure, because He saw that you could withstand an even bigger revelation. If God has given you a silence, then praise Him- He is bringing you into the mainstream of His purposes. The actual evidence of the answer in time is simply a matter of God's sovereignty. Time is nothing to God. For a while you may have said, "I asked God to give me bread, but He gave me a stone instead" (see Matthew 7:9 ). He did not give you a stone, and today you find that He gave you the "bread of life" ( John 6:35 ).

A wonderful thing about God's silence is that His stillness is contagious- it gets into you, causing you to become perfectly confident so that you can honestly say, "I know that God has heard me." His silence is the very proof that He has. As long as you have the idea that God will always bless you in answer to prayer, He will do it, but He will never give you the grace of His silence. If Jesus Christ is bringing you into the understanding that prayer is for the glorifying of His Father, then He will give you the first sign of His intimacy- silence.

Homosexuals Anonymous


STEP 3



We learned to see purpose in our suffering,

that our failed lives were under God's control,

who is able to bring good out of trouble.



In Step 1 we faced our powerlessness. In Step 2 we saw "that power belongeth unto God" (Psalm 62:11) who "giveth power to...them that have no might..." (Isaiah 40:29); and, as we came to believe in His love and grace, we found "joy and peace in believing" (Romans 15:13).



With Step 3, our new found or newly revived faith in the love of God enables us to begin to attack the roots of our homosexual struggle. Many of us felt we were victims--victims of life, victims of parents. And it may have been true! But if we stop there and see no thread of grace running through our sufferings, we end up being victims who have no hope.



Whatever may have happened when we were young, we are children no longer and must accept responsibility for our current actions. With God's help, we can change. As long as we blame others or circumstances over which we have no control for our situation, we will feel trapped, unable to do anything to change our lives. Bitterness and suspicion will lead us to develop an ever more distrustful attitude toward others and we will put up walls to keep them far away emotionally so that they cannot hurt us. Loneliness will drive us to seek sexual encounters which are a futile substitute for the love we need but from which we have cut ourselves off. Resentment may even poison our relationship with God as we angrily ask, "Why me?"



Dr. Gerard van den Aardweg, a Dutch psychologist with over twenty years experience in treat- ing homosexuality, identifies "self-pity as perhaps one of the prime causes of homosexuality..." [On the Origins and Treatment of Homosexuality, p. xv] If we would find freedom from homo- sexuality, we must undermine our feelings of being a victim and of self-pity. To do so we must see God not only as our loving Father (Step 2), but also as our Sovereign Lord (Step 3) whose almighty grace can bring blessing out of all that we have suffered.

1. Since sin has come into the world, is life difficult for everyone?

Genesis 3:17-19



Sin always brings sorrow. It has been so from the first. "The whole earth partakes of the punishment, which the sin of man, its head and destined ruler, has called down.... Death reigns. Instead of the blessed soil of Paradise, Adam and his offspring have to till the ground now condemned to bear thorns and thistles, and this is not to end, until man returns to the earth from which he was taken." [E. Harold Browne, "Genesis," The Bible Commentary I, p. 46]

Job 14:1



"Everybody out there is hurting. And if you don't know that, you're either very naive and believe in people's facades, or so thick-skinned that you don't hurt yourself and don't feel other people's hurts either." [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 10]



"My grandfather always said that living is like licking honey off a thorn." [Louis Adamic in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 304]

Ecclesiastes 1:2



When Ernie Pyle, famed World War II correspondent, learned of the death of his mother, he wrote these poignant words: "It seems to me that life is futile and death the final indignity. People live and suffer and grow bent with yearning, bowed with disappointment, and then they die. And what is it all for? I do not know." [in Robert A. Williams, Journey Through Grief, p. 85]

Ecclesiastes 2:22,23



"There will be no major solution to the suffering of mankind until we reach some understanding of who we are, what the purpose of creation was, what happens after death. Until these ques- tions are resolved we are caught." [Woody Allen in R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me, p. 23]

Romans 8:22



"Is not disease the rule of existence? There is not a lily pad floating on the river that has not been riddled by insects. Almost every shrub and tree has its gall, oftentimes esteemed its chief ornament and scarcely to be distinguished from the fruit. If misery loves company, misery has company enough. Now, at midsummer, find me a perfect leaf or fruit." [Thoreau, Journal, 1851, The Oxford Book of Aphorisms, p. 326]



"Life is not just a struggle for you; it's a struggle for everyone, and no one meets all of life's challenges flawlessly." [Ralph Earle and Gregory Crow, Lonely All the Time, p. 255]

Personal Response

2. Is God in control of whatever happens?

There is some comfort in the realization that we are not alone in our suffering, but this is not enough to break the bands that bind us unless we also know that we are not subject to the power of impersonal fate or blind chance, but are in the hands of our loving Father in heaven.

I Chronicles 29:11,12



"One adequate support

For the calamities of mortal life

Exists, one only;--an assured belief

That the procession of our fate, howe'er

Sad or distrub'd, is order'd by a Being

Of infinite benevolence and power,

Whose everlasting purposes embrace

All accidents, converting them to good." [William Wordsworth]

Isaiah 46:9,10



"'What is history,' cried Cromwell, 'but God's unfolding of Himself?'" [James S. Stewart, Heralds of God, p. 12]

Daniel 4:34,35



"The great ones of this world--from Nebuchadnezzar to Mao Tse-tung--who lull themselves with the illusion that men create history...cannot spoil God's plans, but instead they form an unwitting part of his plans and must serve his purposes unconsciously and unwillingly.... The tender mercy of God rings out like a bell over our dark world. And this theme sets itself against the riddles of our fate and against all human powers who rebel against it and pretend to be the lords of this world." [Helmut Thielicke in Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge, p. vii]

Matthew 10:29,30



There are really only two ways of looking at the painful side of life. "Some say that...to the gods we are like the flies that the boys kill on a summer day, and some say, on the contrary, that the very sparrows do not lose a feather that has not been brushed away by the finger of God." [Thornton Wilder, The Bridge of San Luis Rey, p. 23]

Ephesians 1:11,12



"God is never in a panic, nothing can be done that He is not absolute Master of, and no one in earth or heaven can shut a door He has opened, nor open a door He has shut. God alters the inevitable when we get in touch with Him." [Oswald Chambers, If Thou Wilt Be Perfect, p. 127]

Personal Response

3. Where does sin come from?

Mark 7:21-23



"Chesterton says...that the great problem of philosophy is why little Tommy loves to torture the cat.... Malcolm Muggeridge says that...original sin, the most unpopular of all Christian dogmas, is the only one you can prove by the daily newspaper." [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 42-43]

John 8:42-45



"Sin....has the devil for its father, shame for its companion, and death for its wages." [Thomas Watson, The Ten Commandments, p. 209]

Romans 8:7,8



"If God lived on earth, people would break his windows." [Yiddish Proverb in The Crown Treasury of Relevant Quotations, p. 325]



"Bendetti, a Franciscan monk, author of 'Stabat Mater,' one day was found weeping, and when asked the reason of his tears, replied, 'I weep because Love goes about unloved.'" [D. L. Moody, Notes From My Bible, p. 79]

Ephesians 2:1-3



"All three evils, sin and death and suffering, are from us, not from God; from our misuse of our free will, from our disobedience. We started it!" [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 107] "We are sinners. Our world is a battlefield strewn with broken treaties, broken families, broken promises, broken lives, and broken hearts. We are good stuff gone bad, a defaced masterpiece, a rebellious child." [ibid., p. 116]

Personal Response

4. Can God overrule sin?

Joseph's brothers were jealous of him, hated him, plotted to murder him, sold him into slavery, told his father he was dead, and abandoned him to his fate. God however made him second to Pharaoh over Egypt and used him to save his family from starvation. His brothers feared that he would take vengeance on them. He gave one reason why he would not do so in these words:

Genesis 50:20



"What his brothers did was genuinely significant--and hurt Joseph deeply. But Joseph had eyes to see that God was also at work, and that His purposes had been fulfilled not just in spite of his brothers, but even through their actions!" [Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 135]

Acts 2:22-24



The fact that Peter says Christ was "delivered by the determinate counsel and foreknowledge of God" shows that "it has now become the habit of the Apostle's mind to trace the working of a divine purpose, which men, even when they are most bent on thwarting it, are unconsciously fulfilling. In chap. i.16, he had seen that purpose in the treachery of Judas; he sees it now in the malignant injustice of priests and people." [E. H. Plumptre, "The Acts of the Apostles," Ellicott's Commentary on the Whole Bible VII p. 11]



"The wicked's intense rage carries on God's decree against their wills; for while they sit back- ward to his command, they row forward to his decree." [John Trapp, A Commentary or Expos- ition Upon All the Books of the New Testament, p. 425]



"Neither God's designing it from eternity, nor his bringing good out of it to eternity, would in the least excuse their sin; for it was their voluntary act and deed, from a principle morally evil, and therefore 'they were wicked hands with which you have crucified and slain him.'" [Matthew Henry, Commentary on the Whole Bible VI, p. 22]

Acts 3:13-15



"The sentence which Jesus' human judges passed upon Him and His human executioners carried out has been reversed, Peter asserts, by a higher court. They put Him to death, but God raised Him up..." [F. F. Bruce, "Commentary on the Book of the Acts," The New International Commentary on the New Testament, p. 70-71]

Acts 3:26



The greatest tragedy in the world, the death of Christ, is also the greatest blessing in the world! It is the way sinners are saved! God can turn the worst into the best!



"Let us be content that God should rule the world; learn to acquiesce in His will, and submit to His providence." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 125]

Personal Response

5. Does God love me?

Psalm 86:15



A woman who had lived her life totally without reference to God was told by a doctor that her daughter, who had been injured in an automobile accident, would probably never come out of the coma and could quite possibly remain a "vegetable" the rest of her life. The woman said, "I walked out of the hospital and across the street to a bar and got totally zonkered. Then I got into my car and drove home, weeping the whole way. When I got in my driveway, I turned off the engine and began to curse God. I used every bit of vile language I knew, and I knew a lot. After about a half hour I was totally drained. And in the silence I heard a voice...and the voice said, 'That is the first time you have ever spoken to Me, and I love you.'" [Stephen Brown, If God Is in Charge, p. 15]

Psalm 145:8,9



"The reason the mass of men fear God, and at bottom dislike Him, is because they rather dis- trust His heart, and fancy Him all brain like a watch." [Herman Melville quoted in Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God, p. 54]

Romans 8:38,39



"Jesus Christ reveals, not an embarrassed God, not a confused God, not a God who stands apart from the problems, but One who stands in the thick of the whole thing with man." [Oswald Chambers, Disciples Indeed, p. 12]

I John 3:16



"It is quite natural (but wrong) to think that we have to become worthy in order for God to accept us. This harmful perception keeps people from coming to Christ, for it leads them to believe that He died for some sinners but not others. Homosexuals and adulterers, along with all of us, must bask in the love of God; we all must be willing to open our lives to His grace... God does not turn His back on those who believe in His Son." [Erwin W. Lutzer, Coming to Grips with Homosexuality, p. 32]

I John 4:16



"How you view God determines the quality and style of your Christian experience. Many Christians spend much of their lives paralyzed because, although they have trusted Christ as Savior, they have never really seen what His sacrifice teaches us about the character of God. He gave His Son...because He loves us. He thereby proves His grace. Do you know...God, in this way?" [Sinclair Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 102]

I John 4:19



"Let not any hard dealing make you mistake your Father's affection.... It is a bitter cup, but He is still my Father." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 32]



"The people of God have ground for cheerfulness. They are justified and adopted, and this creates...music within, whatever storms are without." [Thomas Watson, A Body of Divinity, p. 14]

Personal Response

6. Does suffering have a purpose?

Romans 5:3,4



"God has many angels who do His errands and summon men to Him, says Archer Butler; but the angel that has gathered most to the Savior's feet is the angel of sorrow." [J. D. Jones, The Gospel According to St. Mark II, p. 102]



"Perhaps we suffer so inordinately because God loves us so inordinately and is taming us. Perhaps the reason why we are sharing in a suffering we do not understand is because we are the objects of a love we do not understand." [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 78]



"Blessed is that hour of holy desperation when a man...moves out of the wreck of himself into Christ." [Vance Havner, Day By Day, p. 120]

II Corinthians 1:3,4



"I often feel very grateful to God that I have undergone fearful depression. I know the borders of despair and the horrible brink of that gulf of darkness into which my feet have almost gone. But hundreds of times I have been able to give a helpful grip to brethren and sisters who have come into that same condition, which grip I could never have given if I had not known their deep despondency. So I believe that the darkest and most dreadful experience of a child of God will help him...if he will but follow Christ." [C. H. Spurgeon, Metropolitan Tabernacle Pulpit XXXII, 1886, p. 344]

James 1:2-4



"Adversity introduces a man to himself." [Anonymous in Carl Hermann Voss, Quotations of Courage and Vision, p. 14]



"Good people are good because they've come to wisdom through failure." [William Saroyan in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 188]



"...I remembered one of my friends at Yale: a Christian who struggled heroically with his homo- sexual nature. He could never remember a time when he had been attracted to girls. He had found himself falling in love with males since childhood. He had never acted out his desires. He had done nothing to encourage them. He did not want to be homosexual. He would have given anything to change his pattern of sexual attraction, but he knew little of the Holy Spirit's power to do this. I was an atheist at the time. He made all of his agony into material for Christian witness, telling us why he could not deny his Savior by following his desires. I found his account of his struggles deeply moving. He is part of the reason I am a Christian today." [Richard Lovelace, "An Uncomfortable Issue," Charisma, (March 1985), p. 9]



Whenever I grow discouraged, I have evidence that I am doubting that God is in charge of my life, that He loves me, that He intends to do me good, and that He intends to bless others through me.

Personal Response

7. Can God bring good out of trouble?

Psalm 119:71



"Hurt often must come before healing." [Vance Havner, Day By Day, p. 145]

"...Trial is not only to approve, but to improve..." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 31]



"The tears of the godly are sweeter than the triumph of the wicked." [Thomas Watson, Sermons, p. 21]

Romans 8:28



"A devout Christian young man lamented that he just couldn't let go of bitterness he felt about certain mental wounds he had suffered years earlier. He could quote Scriptures about how he should forgive, but he still didn't feel forgiving. He had prayed repeatedly, 'Thank you God, for letting such-and-such happen in my life.' Still, he didn't feel thankful. Then he used the idea that one picture is worth a thousand words. He pictured the wrongs done to him as gashes cutting deeply into his body. Then he imagined himself to be a giant key, and those gashes took on new meaning. They became notches precisely machined along the edge of the key to make it uniquely useful. God could use him as a tool to fit locks that no other key could budge. The locks represented bitterness, fear, and discouragement in the minds of other people. Now he, the notched key, could understand them. The hurts in his life had made him useful to other people's lives. He wept and laughed as he visualized God's huge hands turning him, the key, in those locks and freeing others from their emotional prisons." [Dennis Gibson, The Strong-Willed Adult, p. 82-83]

II Corinthians 4:17



"Remember St. Teresa's bold saying that from heaven the most miserable earthly life will look like one bad night in an inconvenient hotel!" [Peter Kreeft, Making Sense Out of Suffering, p. 139]



"God weeps with us so that we may one day laugh with him." [Jurgen Moltmann quoted in Philip Yancey, Disappointment with God, p. 100]

Hebrews 12:11



"...The Creator has so fashioned this universe that the best can emerge from the worst. Where forest fires once raged, jack pines and birches now thrive. The stubborn cones of jack pine often remain tightly closed, withholding their seeds from the soil until fire forces them open. As a consequence, fire has given some jack pines their only chance to get started on the earth. White birch crave open places where they can get light and air for growth. Fire burns such openings into the forest and gives white birches their opportunity. During World War II ninety-five types of flowers and shrubs unknown for decades were found in London, in holes where nitrates from bursting and burning bombs had enriched the soil. Seeds of grain are freed to multiply in the soil when the wind has whipped them or the threshing machine has threshed them. The pearl in an oyster is formed when an irritant, such as a grain of sand, causes the oyster to secrete a soothing substance around the aggravation. The secretion becomes a jewel. A moth's wings are strengthened for flight when the creature struggles to get free of its imprisoning cocoon; no struggle, no strength. Nature is rife with trouble that ends in blessing. One of the big assurances that this created world offers us is that trouble can be made to serve high purposes." [Harold Kohn, Pathways to Understanding, p. 76]

Personal Response

8. Should God's children shun self-pity?

Numbers 14:26-30



"Self-pity is a fertile seed-bed, where homosexual temptation flourishes with deep roots which are not easy to pull up." [Alex Davidson, The Returns of Love, p. 55] "...The regrets and longing for something you don't or can't have may...flood suddenly in and swamp your emotions. Then with the longing comes the imagining, and then the accepting and relishing what you imagine, and then the sly search for fuel to feed these thoughts, and then maybe some attempt at realizing them in action..." [ibid., p. 53-54]

Philippians 2:14



"Why do we shrink from great waters--without them we cannot see great wonders. Shallow water Christians see but few wonders." [Gems From Bishop Taylor Smith's Bible, p. 31]

"If...we can recognize the pain that we must endure as wind in our sails, we will use the agony rather than curse it." [Robert A. Williams, Journey Through Grief, p. 54]

Philippians 4:11-13



"The game of life is not so much in holding a good hand as playing a poor hand well." [H. T. Leslie in Laurence Peter, Peter's Quotations, p. 306]



"We may think that...severity is inconsistent with...God's...compassion. ...That is because we do not appreciate how seriously God loves us, and how determined He is that we should have His best, even if it means pain." [Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 141]

Jude 14-16



"Because sin deserves death and we are all sinners,...all our mercies are undeserved mercies. Any apparent unfairness in God's treatment of us arises not because some have too much punish- ment, but because some of us appear to have too little. None of us will ever receive harsher judgment than we deserve.... The marvel is, in the biblical view, not that men die for their sins, but that we remain alive in spite of them." [John W. Wenham, The Goodness of God, p. 70]

Personal Response

9. What should I then do?

Psalm 34:1



Why is it so easy to complain, so hard to rejoice? "Most of us can remember how...the scraped knee may have gotten us...attention from a...parent. The way our brain...operates may result in such close association of self-pity with the gratification of being cared for, that we may actually enjoy...self-pity. Some people...actually incur pain in order to have something about which to feel sorry for themselves.... Mature adults...try to rectify things that have gone wrong instead of...pitying themselves..." [Abraham Twerski, When Do the Good Things Start?, p. 20]

Psalm 46:1,2



"God has given us the dignity of choice, a free choice, to accept or reject a relationship with Him. Our choice will have real consequences. We can spend our lives walking with God or running from Him. We can invest our short time here blaming God or being healed by Him.... What will you choose?" [R. Scott Richards, Myths the World Taught Me, p. 44]

Psalm 107:15



"I believe the best definition of man is the ungrateful biped." [Feodor Mikhailovich Dostoevsky in The Portable Curmudgeon, p. 189]



"I feel a very unusual sensation--if it is not indigestion, I think it must be gratitude." [Benjamin Disraeli in ibid., p. 125]

Acts 16:22-25



"When God is at the center of things, worship inevitably follows. Where there is no spirit of worship, there God has been dethroned and displaced." [Sinclair B. Ferguson, A Heart for God, p. 150]

Ephesians 5:20



"Cultivation of a thankful spirit, even in the face of personal disappointment, is one of the most important goals a man can have. A person can be submissive in his behavior without being sub- missive in his heart.... Learning to be thankful in all...situations will really help to develop the kind of submission that is pleasing to the Lord. It doesn't come easily, but the Lord will help you if you ask Him." [Garry Friesen with J. Robin Maxson, Decision Making and the Will of God, p. 397]

I Thessalonians 5:18



The praise to which God's Word calls us is not a superficial barrage of words, but a deep sense of gratitude based on what God is like and what He has already done for us. As faith thinks on these things, true thanksgiving wells up within the soul. This is not always immediate, and faith may often be required to fight its way through a jungle of crippling doubts, negative feelings, and external problems until it has that clear vision of God and His grace which prompts true praise (see, for example, Psalm 13:1-6). When this true praise finally bursts forth, it creates altered states of mind. Guilt, fear, anger, self-pity, suspicion, resentment, and bitterness are all overthrown; and the love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control which are the fruit of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22,23) begin to grow in their place.

Personal Response

10. How can I live this life of praise?

Psalm 9:9,10



Dr. John Claypool lost his young daughter to leukemia. As he watched his little girl suffer, he could see no reason for what was happening to her. He understood how a man could turn against God and at times was not far from doing so himself. But he did not succumb. Instead he found, "...If we are willing, the experience of grief can deepen and widen our ability to participate in life. We can become more grateful for the gifts we have been given, more open-handed in our handling of the events of life, more sensitive to the whole mysterious process of life, and more trusting in our adventure with God." [John Claypool, Tracks of a Fellow Struggler, p. 103]

Psalm 30:4,5



"In hours of pain and grief

We learn in Him unfaltering faith and trust,

Only because we will and not because we must."

[W. O. Carver, The Self-Interpretation of Jesus, p. 94]

Psalm 34:22



"Grace's worst is better than the world's best..." [The Complete Works of Thomas Manton IV, p. 23]

Proverbs 30:5



"Two children were playing on a hillside, when they noticed the hour was nearing sunset, and one said wonderingly: 'See how far the sun has gone! A little while ago it was right over that tree, and now it is low down in the sky.' 'Only it isn't the sun that moves; it's the earth. You know, Father told us,' said the other. The first one shook his head. The sun did move, for he had seen it, and the earth did not move for he had been standing on it all the time. 'I know what I see,' he said triumphantly. 'And I believe Father,' said his brother. So mankind divides today--some accepting only what their senses reveal to them, the others believing the Word of God." [Walter B. Knight, Knight's Master Book of New Illustrations, p. 184]

Isaiah 26:3,4



"A grief accepted loses most of its power to sadden, and all its power to perturb. It is not outward calamities, but a rebellious will that troubles us." [Alexander Maclaren in Robert Williams, Journey Through Grief, p. 27]



"It is not miserable to be blind; it is miserable to be incapable of enduring blindness." [John Milton in Carl Hermann Voss, Quotations of Courage and Vision, p. 16]

Romans 8:35-37



W. R. Maltby wrote, "In the sermon on the mount, Jesus promised His disciples three things --that they would be entirely fearless, absurdly happy, and that they would get into trouble. They did get into trouble, and found, to their surprise, that they were not afraid. They were absurdly happy, for they laughed over their own troubles, and only cried over other peoples'." [in Leslie Weatherhead, Jesus and Ourselves, p. 253]



"Was His head crowned with thorns, and do we think to be crowned with roses?" [Thomas Watson, A Divine Cordial, p. 21]

Romans 15:13



"God is the Creator of the universe, and the comforter of the sorrowing." [Thomas Binney in Theodore L. Cuyler, Recollections of a Long Life: An Autobiography, p. 171]

Personal Response

MY EXPERIENCE WORKING STEP 3

It is important to remember in times of temptation that homosexuality does bring suffering. I am still not fully immune to the siren songs of sin. There are times of intense loneliness when I hear the whisper, "I am your only chance for love. Yield or you will be forever alone." There are times when I hear the promise, "I can ease your pain and banish the hurt." Then it is vital to remember the pain homosexuality has caused me in the past that I may discern the lie it tells me now.



I need to remember how homosexuality took my self-respect and gave me guilt, took my honor and gave me shame, took my honesty and gave me a double life, took my gentleness and made me an angry man. I need to remember that it led me to betray my God, my wife, my children, my friends, all those who trusted me. I need to remember how it promised relief but gave only pain; promised love but gave only lust and loneliness. I need to remember how it robbed me of my reputation, my family, my friends, and almost destroyed my sanity and my life.



But it is also important to remember that God does bring good out of trouble. Otherwise sorrow will swallow me up and give fresh power to temptation. I need to remember that, just as physi- cal pain warns the body to get out of harm's way, so emotional pain is God's "early warning system" crying, "This is not the way. Walk ye not in it." By it He positions me for grace. Only those who labor and are heavy laden will come to Him for rest (Matthew 11:28-30). He does not delight in the pain or the sin which is its source. He does overrule so as to bring good out of all our troubles as we walk with Him.



This good, for me, has meant a new appreciation of God's love and grace, a new tenderness toward all who struggle with any sin, and the realization that the highway of holiness cannot be traveled alone. We must walk it in fellowship with, and by the help of, God's people. It has meant a new ministry with those who struggle with that which brought my pain and the joy of seeing them find hope and gain freedom. Out of my pain has come a closer walk with God, ever-increasing freedom, new strength and vulnerability, the ability to help others, and perhaps the beginnings of wisdom! These make it all worthwhile.


Homosexuals Anonymous:


THE PLAGUE OF LONELINESS

Step 7

We resolved to entrust our lives to our loving God and to live by faith, praising Him for our new unseen identity, confident that it would become visible to us in God's good time.

Many people, who have never struggled with homosexuality them-selves, are puzzled by the fact that intelligent men and women, knowing something of the physical, emotional, and spiritual costs of that life, still allow themselves to be drawn into it. They are even more puzzled when they see these same people getting severely hurt in that life and yet clinging desperately to it, bitterly reacting to all who try to urge them to seek something else, something better. Some are also perplexed when they hear of someone who has sought freedom, professed faith in Christ, who then relapses, returning to what they once said they were through with. Outsiders scratch their heads and ask, "Why?" They do not, indeed cannot, understand.

While one understands their per-plexity from a rational point of view, anyone who has struggled with same-sex attractions understands how difficult it is to leave that way of life and how easy it is to slip back into it. Why?

As John Stott explains, "At the heart of the homosexual condition is a deep loneliness, the natural human hunger for mutual love, a search for identity, and a longing for completeness" [John R. W. Stott, Decisive Issues Facing Christians Today, (Grand Rapids: Fleming H. Revell, 1984), p. 360].

Many of us who have struggled with homosexuality confess that we find tears welling up in our eyes and a deep pain in our hearts when we hear Hank Williams sing, "I'm so lonesome I could die."

A universal problem

Of course the problem of loneliness is not unique to homosexual people. Suzanne Gordon writes, "Life in America has exploded, and loneliness is one main ingredient in the fallout. What was once a philosophical problem spoken of mainly by poets and prophets, has now become an almost permanent condition for mil-ions of Americans, not only for the old or divorced but also for the men and women filling singles bars and encounter groups, the adolescents running away from home or refusing to go to school, the corporate tran-ients who move every two or three years, and the people calling suicide and crisis hot-lines in search of someone to talk to. Knowing no limits of class, race, or age, loneliness is today a great leveler, a new American tradition" [Lonely in America, (New York: Simon and Schuster, 1976), p. 15-16].

"The dynamic of loneliness seems to universally include the following major components: feelings of hopelessness...which lead people to escape into relationships that might appear solidly grounded but that in reality are only a means to an end rather than an end in themselves; fear of experiencing feelings of loneliness; the desire to deny that one is actually lonely; and feelings of worthlessness and failure generated by the experience of loneliness" [Ibid., p. 28]. "It's an empty feeling, loneliness. Empty and desolate" [Ibid., p. 25]. "A lack of human contacts is always painful. People need intimacy, warmth, a sense of worth and frequent confirmation of their identities" [Ibid., p. 31]

An especially acute problem for homosexual persons

But, while loneliness is a problem for many people, it is a particularly acute problem for those men and women who struggle with homosexuality. The uniqueness of their situation lies in the roots of their struggle and their response to those roots.

The roots of a homosexual struggle

As Dr. Reuben Fine noted, "A boy or girl who has a good warm rela-tionship with a heterosexual father does not become an overt homo-sexual" ["Psychoanalytic Theory," Male and Female Homosexuality: Psychological Approaches edited by Louis Diamant, (Washington, D.C.: Hemisphere Publishing Corporation, 1987), p. 91]. As Dr. Charles W. Socarides noted, "Homosexuals con-sistently describe the father either as a weak, shadowy, and distant figure or an angry, cold, or brutalizing one" ["Homosexuality Is Not Just an Alternative Life Style," Male and Female: Christian Approaches to Sexuality edited by Ruth Tiffany Barnhouse and urban T. Holmes, III, (New York: The Seabury Press, 1976), p. 145].

The fruit of this root

When one has a painful relationship with one's father, the result is anger toward one's father. As Dr. Elizabeth Moberly notes, "Hostility toward the love-source blocks the ability to receive love from the source, thus resulting in an unmet love-need" [Psychogenesis: The Early Develop-ment of Gender Identity, (London: Routledge & Kegan Paul Limited, 1983), p. 12].

The result of this is, early in life, a deep feeling of loneliness. Many who struggle with same-sex attractions say, "I have always had these feel-ings, these longings, so I must have been born that way." I ask, "Do you mean that when you were 2, 3, 5 you longed for anal or oral sex?" If the answer is yes, I ask who taught them about such behavior because the plethora of sex manuals shows that we are not born knowing how to engage in sexual acts. Someone has to teach us and we should not have been so taught when so young.
Usually, however, the answer is that the individual always remembers longing for a man to hold him and kiss him and cuddle him. It is perfectly normal for a little boy to want such tenderness; the thing that is abnormal here is that he did not get those needs met by his father.

We had a part

"Are you saying," you might ask, that my homosexual feelings are all my father's fault?" No, we had and have a part in the process.

When a child does not receive the love he longs for from his same-sex parent, Dr. Moberly writes, "A defensive barrier is erected.... The most fundamental defense is an unwillingness to receive love.... And once this particular defense has occurred...it may persist as an incapacity to receive love. ...Even if love is offered by the love-source subsequent to trauma, such love can no longer be received" [Ibid., p. 12, 13].

Such experiences can lead people to feel that the only way they can find love is through sex. After all, if one's father did not love one, one must be seriously deficient. He or she must not have anything (or much) to offer. Sex must be all he or she has.

The result of all this can be seen in this revealing paragraph by a man who finally left homosexuality and found real life in the joy of marriage and family.

"My name is William Aaron. I am a human being, an American, a doubt-ful Christian, a Democrat, a cynic, a romantic, a son and brother and friend, a saloon pianist, a nicotine addict. I am myself; solitary. I long for the touch of love- but please, no strings attached. Relation-ships only confuse things. Communication is too difficult. Let me worship your body. You may use my body, as you like- as we together may intuit or decide that we both like for the moment. But aside from that, let's not touch" [William Aaron, Straight: A Heterosexual Talks About His Homosexual Past, (Garden City, NY: Doubleday & Company, 1972), p. 10].

Can you think of anything lonelier than that? Longing for love with an intensity stronger than most know because of feeling unloved as a child, and yet fearing such love because of hurts from childhood that make it impossible to receive real love.

"It is this same-sex ambivalence which we would take to be the essence of the homosexual condition in both the male and the female," says Dr. Moberly [Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic, (Cambridge: James Clarke & Co. Ltd., 1983), p. 6-7]. "Basically this is an avoidance-approach conflict. The attraction involved in the need for attachment has to contend with the aversion involved in the defensive detach-ment" [Ibid., p. 6].

Can anything be done?

I hope as you have been reading this that you have been feeling hopeless for there is no cause for such a response. Something can be done to resolve your difficulties.

What you need to do

You are already doing part of what must be done to escape the terrible loneliness we have described. If, as you've been reading, you've seen yourself and the root of your problems and been willing to face them instead of continue in denial, acknowledging that you are part of the problem and being willing to work to resolve it, you have taken a huge first step towards overcoming this plague of aloneness.

Vital as that first step is, it must be followed by other steps. You must work to undo the defensive detach-ment that has been a part of your life since childhood, which seems to keep you safe, and which feels as natural as breathing.

This cannot be done by mere will power. You need to be aware of what is going on and fight hard to learn how to attach to healthy people. It takes time. Read books on friendship to develop basic skills.

Where can you find people with whom you can form healthy attach-ments? The first place I have found good friends has been church. Find a church that believes what the Bible teaches and seriously tries to live it. Don't just go to worship; get into a small group. Observe the people. Building friendships is much differ-ent than looking for someone with whom to have sex. Don't concentrate on a person's appearance but on their heart. Look for someone with a kind soul, someone who has suffered, and whose life is not so full that they have no room for you. When you see a likely prospect, find something they enjoy and invite them to join you. Don't tell them everything about yourself yet. Let them get to know you as a person. Get to know them as a person. Later, if it will help deepen your friendship, tell them of your struggles. Be sure you explain that you believe homosexual behave-ior is wrong and that you do not expect them to solve your problems "just be a good friend. Learn to give love to them (find ways to help them) and to receive love from them.

You might also want to consider a recovery group. If there is an HA group nearby, attend regularly. Other groups that you might find helpful, depending on your background and your life are groups dealing with co-dependency issues, groups dealing with abuse issues, Adult Children of Alcoholics groups, or sexual addic-tion groups. Again, take your time and select wisely. Try to make more than one friend to avoid the trap of emotional dependency.
What if the friendship doesn't work? Ask yourself what went wrong? Is there something you should change? Find someone else and keep working on building friendships until you have them.

What others must do for you

Step 1 tells us we are powerless to solve our problems alone. We need God's help and the help of others.

As a twenty-six-year-old homosexual man told Dan Kimball, "Gays who give up their homosexuality are giving up not only an entire sexual attraction but an entire support system as well. "Gay" most likely has become an identity for most of them and per-meates every part of their life. Most church leaders do not understand how much someone leaves behind when they make the decision to walk away from homosexuality, and most in the church are not ready to help rebuild a support and relational structure. The church does not realize how desper-ately they need emotional support. I know plenty of examples of gays who were trying to change and joined a church but could not find the support they needed." [They Like Jesus But Not the Church, (Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2007), p. 157]

John Stott says, "If homosexual people cannot find these things in the local 'church family', we have no bus-iness to go on using that expression. The alternative is not between the warm physical relationship of homo-sexual intercourse and the pain of isolation in the cold. There is a third option, namely a Christian environ-ment of love, understanding, accept-ance and support.... By 'accepting' I do not mean 'acquiescing'... True love is not incompatible with the maintenance of moral standards." [Op. Cit., p. 360-361]

Sadly, some churches are as heartless as was Napoleon. In 1800, he "led his troops across the Alps as they returned to Italy. The journey was hardened by the snow, but Napoleon pressed on. To keep the troops moving in sequence, a drummer played a cadence by which they marched. One of these drummers slid on some ice and went over a large precipice. He fell into a drift of snow far below the advancing troops, but was miraculously unhurt. He began to beat his drum with the signal for relief, but not a single soldier broke rank because Napoleon commanded, "March on!" When it became obvious that nobody was coming to his aid, the young drummer stopped playing the cadence of relief. Those who marched that day never forgot what they heard next. After several minutes of silence, the abandoned drummer began to beat the funeral dirge. He played for his own funeral. Countless people who are lost without Christ will be left to play their own funeral march if we as Christians don't break rank with our agendas and routines to provide spiritual relief." [One Thousand Evangelistic Illustrations, Aquilla Webb, 1921, p. 91; The Timetables of History, Bernard Grun, 1982, p. 374 quoted in McHenry's Stories for the Soul, compiled by Raymond Mc-Henry, (Peabody, MA: Hendrickson Publishers, 2001), p. 94]

If that is the kind of church you are attending, their heart is wrong and they will hinder you rather than help you. Find a church that true both to the Bible's doctrines and to the Bible's heart. Keep looking till you find it.

As Dr. Moberly explains, "A defen-sive detachment from the same-sex love-source, and consequent unmet needs for love, constitute the homo-sexual condition. Love is the basic problem, the great need, and the only true solution. If we are willing to seek and to mediate the healing and redeeming love of Christ, healing for the homosexual will become a great and glorious reality." [Homosexuality: A New Christian Ethic, op. cit, p. 52]
--John J., Reading PA


(Homosexuals Anonymous - www.ha-fs.org)

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“A sculptor does not use a ‘manicure set’ to reduce the crude, unshapely marble to a thing of beauty. The saw, the hammer and the chisel are cruel tools, but without them the rough stone must remain forever formless and unbeautiful. To do His supreme work of grace within you, God will take from your heart everything you love most. Everything you trust in will go from you. Piles of ashes will lie where your most precious treasures used to be!” (A.W.Tozer)



"Self-pity is the psychological state of mind of an individual in perceived adverse situations who has not accepted the situation and does not have the confidence nor competence to cope with it. It is characterized by a person's belief that he or she is the victim of unfortunate circumstances or events and is therefore deserving of condolence. Self-pity is generally regarded as a negative emotion in that it does not generally help deal with adverse situations. However, in a social context, it may result in either the offering of sympathy or advice. Self-pity may be considered normal, and in certain circumstances healthy, so long as it is transitory and leads to either acceptance or a determination to change the situation.

Self-pity can be remarkably self-sustaining particularly in conjunction with depression or other conditions. However self-pity is a way of paying attention to oneself, albeit negatively; it is a means of self-soothing or self-nurturing ("I hurt so much").

Self-pity can also be linked as an emotional response that emerges in times of stress. In dealing with self-pity and stress, the most common tendency of reaction to stress is by feeling sorry for oneself. However, self-pity will also show individual differences within an individual that can be related to certain personality characteristics. Some of these personality characteristics are self-insecurity, depression and overindulgence in their failures, hardships and losses.

Social-Learning theorists say that self-pity is a method for gaining attention, where a child received attention, support, and nurturing while being sick or hurt. The child then grows up having learned to give attention to oneself (or ask for attention from others) while in real or dramatized distress. Thus, another form of self-sustainment can be sympathy offered by others (for example, someone might use the phrase "oh, you poor thing" to comfort the person in self-pity)."

(Wikipedia)



'Sorrow prepares you for joy. It violently sweeps everything out of your house, so that new joy can find space to enter. It shakes the yellow leaves from the bough of your heart, so that fresh, green leaves can grow in their place. It pulls up the rotten roots, so that new roots hidden beneath have room to grow. Whatever sorrow shakes from your heart, far better things will take their place.' ~ Rumi



You are worth something! Don't let anybody tell you you are a good-for-nothing! Your potential is way beyond what you might possibly imagine! God gave you passions and emotions for a reason. Find out what you are passionate about - and go for it! Don't be scared to accept challenges on the way - they only help you grow. Whatever your life experiences may have been - you are loved so much by God He sent His only Son to die for YOU! Let that love fill your heart, grow in you and bear rich fruit. Pass it on to others. God told Adam it was not good for him to be alone. Neither is it for us. Seek the company of others. Life is not about following somebody else's plans, but the one God has set out for you by the way He designed you! Learning and growing does not simply mean passing on traditions and learning things others experienced by heart (that is how our school system works), but helping light the fire in us that brought forth all cultural and technical development. You are never too old to study and grow, neither do you lack the talent for it. All it takes is for you to fell the love - His love - and accept this adventure called life!



Der Einsame

Wer einsam ist, der hat es gut,
Weil keiner da, der ihm was tut.
Ihn stört in seinem Lustrevier
Kein Tier, kein Mensch und kein Klavier,
Und niemand gibt ihm weise Lehren,
Die gut gemeint und bös zu hören.
Der Welt entronnen, geht er still
In Filzpantoffeln, wann er will.
Sogar im Schlafrock wandelt er
Bequem den ganzen Tag umher.
Er kennt kein weibliches Verbot,
Drum raucht und dampft er wie ein Schlot.
Geschützt vor fremden Späherblicken,
Kann er sich selbst die Hose flicken.
Liebt er Musik, so darf er flöten,
Um angenehm die Zeit zu töten,
Und laut und kräftig darf er prusten,
Und ohne Rücksicht darf er husten,
Und allgemach vergißt man seiner.
Nur allerhöchstens fragt mal einer:
Was, lebt er noch? Ei, Schwerenot,
Ich dachte längst, er wäre tot.
Kurz, abgesehn vom Steuerzahlen,
Läßt sich das Glück nicht schöner malen.
Worauf denn auch der Satz beruht:
Wer einsam ist, der hat es gut.

Wilhelm Busch


“He gave our pain and struggles a holy significance, a redemptive power, which makes it a privilege for us to suffer with Christ.”
― Scott Hahn, Hope for Hard Times

God puts you to trial for you to learn a lesson, not to let you suffer.

Posted by Reborn on Samstag, 15. August 2015

Would you agree?.

Posted by StevenAitchison on Freitag, 19. Februar 2016