Miserere Nobis!

Hilfe für Katholikinnen und Katholiken mit ungewollten gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen

Schwules Leben

Is there a "gay lifestyle" ?

Many people would answer that this is a homophobic invention. Gays live there lives in many different ways, as straight folks do.

So is it completely non-appropriate to talk of a "gay lifestyle"?

Let's take a closer look at what Wikipedia has to say:

"Lifestyle is the interests, opinions, behaviours, and behavioural orientations of an individual, group, or culture. The term was introduced by Austrian psychologist Alfred Adler with the meaning of "a person's basic character as established early in childhood", for example in his 1929 book "The Case of Miss R.". The broader sense of lifestyle as a "way or style of living" has been documented since 1961. Lifestyle is a combination of determining intangible or tangible factors. Tangible factors relate specifically to demographic variables, i.e. an individual's demographic profile, whereas intangible factors concern the psychological aspects of an individual such as personal values, preferences, and outlooks.

A rural environment has different lifestyles compared to an urban metropolis. Location is important even within an urban scope. The nature of the neighborhood in which a person resides affects the set of lifestyles available to that person due to differences between various neighborhoods' degrees of affluence and proximity to natural and cultural environments. (...)

A lifestyle typically reflects an individual's attitudes, way of life, values, or world view. Therefore, a lifestyle is a means of forging a sense of self and to create cultural symbols that resonate with personal identity. Not all aspects of a lifestyle are voluntary. Surrounding social and technical systems can constrain the lifestyle choices available to the individual and the symbols she/he is able to project to others and the self.

The lines between personal identity and the everyday doings that signal a particular lifestyle become blurred in modern society. For example, "green lifestyle" means holding beliefs and engaging in activities that consume fewer resources and produce less harmful waste (i.e. a smaller ecological footprint), and deriving a sense of self from holding these beliefs and engaging in these activities. Some commentators argue that, in modernity, the cornerstone of lifestyle construction is consumption behavior, which offers the possibility to create and further individualize the self with different products or services that signal different ways of life.

Lifestyle may include views on politics, religion, health, intimacy, and more. All of these aspects play a role in shaping someone's lifestyle. In the magazine th, and television industries, "lifestyle" is used to describe a category of publications or programs." (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lifestyle_(sociology) September 7th 2019)

Are there common interests, opinions, behaviors, and behavioral orientations in the gay scene? Anyone who has ever been there would definitely agree. There is a special way of talking, of celebrating, a different way of dressing up, different interests and values than compared to the rest of the population (yes, there will always be some who drop out of this classification, but on the average this might be a true statement). I have been there for many years and from my experiences I can definitely agree.

My "lifestyle" and that of many others I encountered reflected our attitudes, our way of lives and world views - no doubt about that. The environment we were living in also constrained our lifestyle choices. I could absolutely agree on that one as well. And yes, my views on politics, religion, health and intimacy were shaped by it as well and formed what you might call a "lifestyle" that I shared with many others then.

So all in all there is a "gay lifestyle".

The question is rather why so many gays are annoyed by this term? I guess they want to present an image to the public that makes them look like an ordinary John Doe, just like everyone else. But they are not! Gay activists use that as a propaganda technique - being well aware that the reality is way different. If I'd still be in the gay life, I would be more than happy to embrace a "gay lifestyle" - probably even be proud of it. Could it be that the gay self-confidence and self-assurance is so low it needs to look like everyone else and is ticked off by being called "gay"?

Recently, I communicated with gay men in online dating sites (not that I recommend that!). My impression? The more things change, the more they stay the same. Nothing much seems to have change since I left 15 years ago. Just take a look at the CSD-parades each year and tell me there is no "gay lifestyle"! To claim there is not is ridiculous and every gay person knows it.

I am ever so glad I left the environment that shaped my life back then. The way I live my life now does not fit any category and I am more than happy about that.

Robert

LGBT culture

From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia


LGBT culture is a culture shared by lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, questioning, and queer individuals (and may also include less known identities, such as pansexual). It is sometimes referred to as queer culture (indicating people who are queer), while the term gay culture may be used to mean "LGBT culture" or to refer specifically to homosexual culture.

LGBT culture varies widely by geography and the identity of the participants. Elements common to cultures of gay, lesbian, bisexual, transgender, and intersex people include:

Works by famous gay, lesbian, bisexual, and transgender people, including:
Contemporary LGBT artists and political figures
Historical figures identified as LGBT, although identifying historical figures with modern terms for sexual identity is controversial (see History of sexuality). However, many LGBT people feel a kinship with these people and their work (particularly that addressing same-sex attraction or gender identity); an example is VictoryFund.org, dedicated to supporting homosexual politicians.
An understanding of LGBT social movements
Figures and identities present in the LGBT community; within LGBT communities in Western culture, this might include drag kings and queens, pride parades and the rainbow flag.

Not all LGBT people identify with LGBT culture; this may be due to geographic distance, unawareness of the subculture's existence, fear of social stigma or a preference for remaining unidentified with sexuality- or gender-based subcultures or communities. The Queercore and Gay Shame movements critique what they see as the commercialization and self-imposed "ghettoization" of LGBT culture.[4][5]

In some cities, especially in North America, some LGBT people live in neighborhoods with a high proportion of gay residents, otherwise known as gay villages or gayborhoods, examples of this neighborhoods are Castro and West Hollywood in California, United States or Gay Village in Montreal, Canada. Such LGBT communities organize special events in addition to pride parades celebrating their culture such as the Gay Games and Southern Decadence.


Gay male culture

According to Herdt, "homosexuality" was the main term used until the late 1950s and early 1960s; after that, a new "gay" culture emerged. "This new gay culture increasingly marks a full spectrum of social life: not only same-sex desires but gay selves, gay neighbors, and gay social practices that are distinctive of our affluent, postindustrial society".[6]

During the 19th and early 20th centuries, gay culture was covert, relying on secret symbols and codes woven into an overall straight context. Gay influence in early America was primarily limited to high culture. The association of gay men with opera, ballet, couture, fine cuisine, musical theater, the Golden Age of Hollywood and interior design began with wealthy homosexual men using the straight themes of these media to send their own signals. In the heterocentric Marilyn Monroe film Gentlemen Prefer Blondes, a musical number features Jane Russell singing "Anyone Here for Love" in a gym while muscled men dance around her. The men's costumes were designed by a man, the dance was choreographed by a man and the dancers (as gay screenwriter Paul Rudnick points out) "seem more interested in each other than in Russell"; however, her presence gets the sequence past the censors and works it into an overall heterocentric theme.[7]

After the 1969 Stonewall riots in New York City, gay male culture was publicly acknowledged for the first time. A group of seven gay men formed The Violet Quill in 1980 in New York City, a literary club focused on writing about the gay experience as a normal plotline instead of a "naughty" sideline in a mostly straight story. An example is the novel A Boy's Own Story by Edmund White. In this first volume of a trilogy, White writes as a young homophilic narrator growing up with a corrupt and remote father. The young man learns bad habits from his straight father, applying them to his gay existence.

Female celebrities such as Liza Minnelli, Jane Fonda, and Bette Midler spent a significant amount of their social time with urban gay men (who were now popularly viewed as sophisticated and stylish by the jet set), and more male celebrities (such as Andy Warhol) were open about their relationships. Such openness was still limited to the largest and most progressive urban areas (such as New York City, San Francisco, Los Angeles, Boston, Philadelphia, Seattle, Chicago, Dallas, Houston, Atlanta, Miami, Washington, D.C., and New Orleans), however, until AIDS forced several popular celebrities out of the closet due to their illness with what was known at first as the "gay cancer".[8]

Elements identified more closely with gay men than with other groups include:

Pop-culture gay icons who have had a traditionally gay-male following (for example, disco, Britney Spears, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Beyoncé, Judy Garland, Cher, Lady Gaga, Kesha, Kylie Minogue, and Diana Ross)
Familiarity with aspects of romantic, sexual and social life common among gay men (for example, Polari, poppers, camp, fag hags and—in South Asian LGBTQ+ culture—"evening people")[9]

There are a number of subcultures within gay male culture, such as bears and chubbies. There are also subcultures with an historically large gay-male population, such as leather and SM. Gay critic Michael Musto opined, "I am a harsh critic of the gay community because I feel that when I first came out I thought I would be entering a world of nonconformity and individuality and, au contraire, it turned out to be a world of clones in a certain way. I also hated the whole body fascism thing that took over the gays for a long time."[10]


Relationships

Some U.S. studies have found that the majority of gay male couples are in monogamous relationships. Research by Colleen Hoffon of 566 gay male couples from the San Francisco Bay Area funded by the National Institute of Mental Health found that 45 percent were in monogamous relationships. Gay actor Neil Patrick Harris has remarked, "I'm a big proponent of monogamous relationships regardless of sexuality, and I'm proud of how the nation is steering toward that."[11]

During the 1980s and 1990s, Sean Martin drew a comic strip (Doc and Raider) which featured a gay couple living in (or near) Toronto's Gay Village. His characters have recently been updated and moved to the Web. Although primarily humorous, the comic sometimes addressed issues such as gay-bashing, HIV, and spousal abuse.

An Australian study conducted by Roffee and Waling in 2016 discovered how some gay men felt like they were expected to be hyper-sexual. Participants reported how other gay men would automatically assume that any interaction had sexual motivations. Furthermore, if it was then clarified that this is not the case then these gay men would suddenly feel excluded and ignored by the other gay men with which they had been interacting with. They felt that they could not obtain purely platonic friendships with other gay men. One participant reported feeling alienated and disregarded as a person if they were not deemed by other gay men as sexually attractive. This presumption and attitude of hypersexuality is damaging, for it enforces preconceived ideals upon people, who are then ostracised if they do not meet these ideals.[12]


Online culture and communities

A number of online social websites for gay men have been established. Initially, these concentrated on sexual contact or titillation; typically, users were afforded a profile page, access to other members' pages, member-to-member messaging and instant-message chat. Smaller, more densely connected websites concentrating on social networking without a focus on sexual contact have been established. Some forbid all explicit sexual content; others do not.[13] A gay-oriented retail online couponing site has also been established.[14]

Recent research suggests that gay men primarily make sense of familial and religious challenges by developing online peer supports (i.e., families of choice) in contrast to their family allies' focus on strengthening existing family of origin relationships via online information exchanges. Participants' reported online sociorelational benefits largely contradict recent research indicating that online use may lead to negative mental health outcomes.[15]


LGBT fashion

Giorgio Armani, Kenneth Nicholson, Alessandro Trincone, Ludovic de Saint Sernin, Patrick Church, Daddy Couture, Gianni Versace, Prabal Gurung, Michael Kors and others are among the LGBT fashion designers across the globe.[16]


Lesbian culture

As with gay men, lesbian culture includes elements from the larger LGBTQ+ culture, as well as other elements specific to the lesbian community. Primarily associated with lesbians in North America, Europe, Australia, and New Zealand, they include large, predominantly lesbian events such as the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival[17] (closed after 2015) and the Club Skirts Dinah Shore Weekend.[18][19] Lesbian culture has its own icons, such as Melissa Etheridge, k.d. lang (butch), Ellen DeGeneres (androgynous) and Portia de Rossi (femme). Lesbian culture since the late 20th century has been entwined with the evolution of feminism. Lesbian separatism is an example of a lesbian theory and practice identifying specifically lesbian interests and ideas and promoting a specific lesbian culture.[20][21][22] Examples of this included womyn's land and women's music.

Older stereotypes of lesbian women stressed a dichotomy between "butch" women, or dykes (who present masculine) and "femmes", or lipstick lesbians (who present feminine), and considered a stereotypical lesbian couple a butch-femme pair. While some lesbian women are still either "butch" or "femme," these categories are less definite (and common) as lesbianism becomes normalized. Androgyny, while not new in lesbian culture, has been gaining momentum since the 1980s punk scene through youth subcultures such as grunge, riot grrrl, emo, and most recently hipster.[23]


Bisexual culture

Tricolor flag: wide horizontal pink and blue bars surrounding a narrower lavender bar
Bisexual pride flag

Bisexual culture emphasizes opposition to, or disregard of, fixed sexual and gender identity monosexism (discrimination against bisexual, fluid, pansexual and queer-identified people), bisexual erasure and biphobia (hatred or mistrust of non-monosexual people). Biphobia is common (although lessening) in the gay, lesbian and straight communities.[citation needed][24]

Many bisexual, fluid and pansexual people consider themselves to be part of the LGBTQ+ or queer community, despite any discrimination they may face. Western bisexual, pansexual, and fluid cultures also have their own touchstones, such as the books Bi Any Other Name: Bisexual People Speak Out (edited by Lani Ka'ahumanu and Loraine Hutchins),[25] Bi: Notes for a Bisexual Revolution (by Shiri Eisner), and Getting Bi: Voices of Bisexuals Around the World (edited by Robyn Ochs);[26] the British science fiction television series Torchwood and personalities (such as British singer and activist Tom Robinson,[27] The Black Eyed Peas member Fergie, Scottish actor Alan Cumming and American performance artist and activist Lady Gaga.[27][citation needed]

The bisexual pride flag was designed by Michael Page in 1998 to give the community its own symbol, comparable to the gay pride flag of the mainstream LGBTQ+ community. The deep pink (or rose) stripe at the top of the flag represents same-gender attraction; the royal blue stripe at the bottom of the flag represents different-gender attraction. The stripes overlap in the central fifth of the flag to form a deep shade of lavender (or purple), representing attraction anywhere along the gender spectrum.[28] Celebrate Bisexuality Day has been observed on September 23 by members of the bisexual community and its allies since 1999.[29][30]


Transgender culture

Flag with five horizontal bars: white in center, surrounded by pink, surrounded by light blue
Transgender pride flag

The study of transgender and transsexual culture is complicated by the many ways in which cultures deal with sexual identity/sexual orientation and gender. For example, in many cultures people who are attracted to people of the same sex—that is, those who in contemporary Western culture would identify as gay, lesbian or bisexual—are classed as a third gender with people who would (in the West) be classified as transgender.

In the contemporary West there are different groups of transgender and transsexual people, such as groups for transsexual people who want sex reassignment surgery, male, heterosexual-only cross-dressers and Trans men's groups. Groups encompassing all transgender people, both trans men, trans women, and non-binary people, have appeared in recent years.

Some transgender or transsexual women and men, however, do not identify as part of a specific "trans" culture. A distinction may be made between transgender and transsexual people who make their past known to others and those who wish to live according to their gender identity and not reveal their past (believing that they should be able to live normally in their true gender role, and control to whom they reveal their past).[31]

According to a study done by the Williams Institute of UCLA on "How Many Adults Identify as Transgender in the United States?",[32] they found that younger adults are more likely to identify as transgender than older adults. This may be a result of a newly wider acceptance of transgender people from the communities, allowing for those who identify as transgender to have a greater voice. In their research they found that an estimated 0.7% of adults between the ages of 18 and 24 identify as transgender, while 0.6% of adults age 25 to 64 and 0.5% of adults age 65 or older identify as transgender.

The pink on the transgender pride flag represents female while the baby blue on the flag represents male. The white stripe in between the baby blue and pink represents other genders besides male or female.[33]

Transgender relationships

In the report "Views from both sides of the bridge? Gender, sexual legitimacy, and transgender people's experiences of relationships", authors Iantaffi and Bockting conducted a study with 1229 transgender individuals over 18 years old, to learn more about transgender relationships in the US. When it came to a relationships within a transgender person, it depended on if they wanted a heteronormative or mainstream culture relationship. The results from the study showed that transgender people reinforced the idea of heteronormativity, seen in their gender practices and beliefs. Although, there are also transgender people that are set on a path to challenge Western traditional beliefs in gender roles and sexual differences within relationships.[34]

Events

First trans solidarity rally and march, Washington, DC USA (2015)

Many annual events are observed by the transgender community. One of the most widely observed is the Transgender Day of Remembrance (TDOR) which is held every year on November 20 in honor of Rita Hester, who was killed on November 28, 1998, in an anti-transgender hate crime. TDOR serves a number of purposes:

it memorializes all of those who have been victims of hate crimes and prejudice
it raises awareness about hate crimes towards the transgender community
and it honors the dead and their relatives[35]

Another of these events is the Trans March, a series of annual marches, protests or gatherings that take place around the world, often during the time of the local pride week. These events are frequently organized by transgender communities to build community, address human rights struggles, and create visibility.


Youth culture

Youth pride, an extension of the gay pride and LGBTQ+ social movements, promotes equality amongst young members (usually above the age of consent) of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transsexual or transgender, intersex and questioning (LGBTQ+) community.[36] The movement exists in many countries and focuses on festivals and parades, enabling many LGBTQ+ youth to network, communicate, and celebrate their gender and sexual identities.[36] Youth Pride organizers also point to the value in building community and supporting young people, since they are more likely to be bullied.[37] Schools with a gay-straight alliance (GSA) handle discrimination and violence against LGBTQ+ youth better than schools without it; they develop community and coping skills, and give students a safe space to obtain health and safety information.[38] Sometimes the groups avoid labeling young people, preferring to let them identify themselves on their own terms "when they feel safe".[39]

Gay and lesbian youth have increased risks for suicide, substance abuse, school problems and isolation because of a "hostile and condemning environment, verbal and physical abuse, rejection and isolation from family and peers", according to a U.S. Task Force on Youth Suicide report.[40] Further, LGBTQ+ youths are more likely to report psychological and physical abuse by parents or caretakers, and more sexual abuse. 

Suggested reasons for this disparity are:

youths may be specifically targeted on the basis of their perceived sexual orientation or gender non-conforming appearance.
"...Risk factors associated with sexual minority status, including discrimination, invisibility, and rejection by family members...may lead to an increase in behaviors that are associated with risk for victimization, such as substance abuse, sex with multiple partners, or running away from home as a teenager."[41]

A 2008 study showed a correlation between the degree of parental rejection of LGB adolescents and negative health problems in the teenagers studied.[42] Crisis centers in larger cities and information sites on the Internet have arisen to help youth and adults.[43] A suicide-prevention helpline for LGBT youth is part of The Trevor Project, established by the filmmakers after the 1998 HBO telecast of the Academy Award-winning short film Trevor; Daniel Radcliffe donated a large sum to the group, and has appeared in its public service announcements condemning homophobia.[44]

Increasing mainstream acceptance of the LGBTQ+ communities prompted the Massachusetts Governor's Commission on Gay and Lesbian Youth to begin an annual Gay-Straight Youth Pride observance in 1995.[36][45] In 1997 the nonprofit Youth Pride Alliance, a coalition of 25 youth-support and advocacy groups, was founded to hold an annual youth-pride event in Washington, D.C.;[46] Candace Gingrich was a speaker the following year.[47] In 1999, the first annual Vermont Youth Pride Day was held. As of 2009 it is the largest queer and allied-youth event in Vermont, organized by Outright Vermont to "break the geographic and social barriers gay youngsters living in rural communities face."[48] In 2002, a college fair was added to the event to connect students with colleges and discuss student safety.[49] In April 2003 a Youth Pride Chorus, organized with New York's LGBT Community Center, began rehearsals and later performed at a June Carnegie Hall Pride concert with the New York City Gay Men's Chorus.[50]

In 2004 the San Diego chapter of Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network (GLSEN) worked with San Diego Youth Pride coordinators to organize a Day of Silence throughout the county.[51] In 2005, Decatur (Georgia) Youth Pride participated in a counter-demonstration against Westboro Baptist Church (led by church head Fred Phelps' daughter Shirley Phelps-Roper), who were "greeting students and faculty as they arrived with words such as 'God hates fag enablers' and 'Thank God for 9/11'" at ten locations.[52] In 2008 Chicago's Youth Pride Center, primarily serving "LGBT youth of color", opened a temporary location and planned to move into their new building on Chicago's South Side in 2010.[53] In 2009, the Utah Pride Center held an event to coincide with Youth Pride Walk 2009, a "cross-country walk by two Utah women trying to draw attention to the problems faced by homeless LGBT youth".[54] In August 2010 the first Hollywood Youth Pride was held, focusing on the "large number of homeless LGBT youth living on Los Angeles streets."[55] According to a 2007 report, "Of the estimated 1.6 million homeless American youth, between 20 and 40 percent identify as lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender".[56] At larger pride parades and festivals there are often LGBTQ+ or queer youth contingents, and some festivals designate safe spaces for young people.[57][58]

LGBT youth are more likely to be homeless than cisgender youth due to the rejection from their parents because of their sexual orientation, or gender identity (Choi et al., 2015; Durso and Gates, 2012; Mallon, 1992 ; Whitbeck et al., 2004). Out of the 1.6 million homeless people in the united states, forty percent of them identify as part of the LGBT community.[59] In a survey of street outreach programs 7% of the youth were transgender (Whitbeck, Lazoritz, Crawford, & Hautala, 2014). Many of the transgender youth that are placed in homeless shelters do not get the type of help they need and often experience discrimination and systemic barriers that include sex-segregated programs in institutional practices that refuse to understand their gender. Many transgender youths have problems acquiring shelters because of certain policies like binary gender rules, dress codes, and room assignments (Thaler et al., 2009). Problems with classification happen when the procedures or policies of a shelter require the youth to be segregated based on their assigned sex rather than what they classify themselves as. As a result, many of the LGBT youth end up on the street instead of shelters which are meant to protect them.[60]

LGBT youth also have a higher suicide rate in the U.S. Those who identify with the LGBT community are four times as likely to attempt suicide than those who do not.[61] There was a study that was done to look into the difference of rates between gay high school students and their straight peers. They were asked about their sexual orientation and then about suicide. They found that about 32 percent of sexual minorities (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual) had suicidal thoughts in comparison to almost 9.5 percent of their heterosexual peers.[61]


Other LGBT groups

Several other segments of the LGBTQ+ community have their own communities and cultures, including the deaf queer community.[62]


Bigender

Bigender people are those who switch between two gender identities or combine two gender identities. There are different types of bigenderism which include historical, transitional, concurrent, and sequential:

"Historical bigenderism" is someone who was once a male, but is now a female, or someone who was once a female, and is now male. Any transgender person who went through sex reassignment surgery is included in this subcategory of bigenderism.
"Transitional bigenderism" refers to somebody who is going through a constant but time limited transition from male to female or vice versa.
"Concurrent bigenderism" is someone who is not apparently female or male, but is a mix of both. There are people today who prefer not to be identified as a male or female but rather be in an alternative category, such as “boi” (Nestle, Howell, & Wilchins, 2002).
"Sequential bigenderism" is someone whose self-portrayal is at time female, and at other times male. Cross-dressers who do not wish to pursue gender reassignment can also be categorized as sequential bigender.[63]


Queer Woman of Color

Race, gender, and class can shape the representation and politics of the queer movement and queer identities, the journal article “Thinking Outside the Rainbow: Women of Color Redefining Queer Politics and Identity,” take a deeper focus within the queer representation of specifically Latina and Asian/Pacific Islander women. According to the data collected by Alimahomed, queer women of color are a form of invisible queer subjects, such as outsiders-within, and would be considered marginalized in today's LGBT movement. With the study conducting interviews with 25 queer women, many of these women experienced gender stereotypes as a problem to express themselves as queer, or make new queer expressions. It was hard for them to be visible to their white counterparts, due to them not having recognizable white queer forms of expression, so they would be considered inauthentic queers to the white community. Despite the contrasting group, women of color and those under comparable marginalization, were among the majority of protestors at stonewall. Also, female white queers get accepted easier than women of color, due to that they can be seen as foreign or conservative because of their culture.[64]


Criticism

Criticism of LGBTQ+ culture comes from a variety of sources. Some, like Michael Musto, view the culture as conforming to caricatures or stereotypes that alienate "fringe" members of the community. Mattilda Bernstein Sycamore and movements like Gay Shame have argued that LGBT culture has been depoliticized by a tiny minority of relatively privileged queer people, who participate in "institutions of oppression" at the expense of the vast majority of LGBT people.[65] Some consider the very notion of "separatism", or a group lifestyle, alienating (including of LGBTQ+ members in the broader society).[citation needed]

Another problem is that bisexual and transsexual/transgender individuals experience social pressure to identify as gay or lesbian, and may face ostracism and discrimination from the mainstream LGBTQ+ culture. For bisexuals, this pressure is known as bisexual erasure. New York University School of Law professor Kenji Yoshino has written, "Gays de-legitimatize bisexuals...the lesbian and gay community abounds with negative images of bisexuals as fence-sitters, traitors, cop-outs, closet cases, people whose primary goal in life is to retain 'heterosexual privilege'".[66]

Although some groups or individuals may disapprove of LGBT rights based on religion or social conservatism, the themes of criticism mentioned below may not necessarily imply disapproval of LGBT people or homosexuality by itself.


Capitalism and commodification

In many parts of the globe, political groups have arisen to denounce pink capitalism, the incorporation of the LGBTQ+ movement and sexual diversity into capitalism and the market economy, especially as this incorporation pertains to the gay, cisgender, western, white, and upper middle class communities and markets.[67][68][69][70][71][72][73][74][75][76] Protests against the commodification of LGBTQ+ rights have often taken the form of queer or pink blocs within LGBTQ+ Pride Parades.[77][78][79][80][81][82][83][84]

In Spain, especially since the emergence of the anti-austerity movement, various groups have held independent demonstrations demanding the removal of political and economic interests from discussions of sexual identity and gay rights.


Identity politics

Criticism has been made that the LGBTQ+ community represents an artificial separation, rather than one based on tangible customs or ethnic identification. In particular, labels that LGBTQ+ members use to describe themselves vary widely; some simply prefer to identify as loving a particular gender. Some believe that the LGBTQ+-community concept is alienating; the term itself implies estrangement from straight people as a separate group. Further, including three groups involved with sexuality and one group exploring transsexual/transgender identity (a broader phenomenon) is artificial.[85]

Mattilda Berstein Sycamore argues that the single-issue focus of LGBT politics, which ignores all intra-group differences, has naturally led to a movement and culture focused on the needs of white, middle-class gay cisgender men, which alienates anyone who does not fit that description.[65]


Cultural focus on promiscuity

Some gay male commentators who are in monogamous relationships argue that mainstream gay culture's disdain of monogamy and its promotion of promiscuity has harmed efforts to legalize same-sex marriage.[86] Yuvraj Joshi argues that efforts to legalize same-sex marriage have emphasized the sameness of gay people to heterosexuals, while privatizing their queer differences.[87]


Racism

British journalist Mark Simpson's 1996 book, Anti-Gay, describes forms of intolerance by the mainstream gay community towards subgroups. The Times wrote that Simpson succeeded in "pointing out that oppression and prejudice do not become legitimate just because they happen to be practiced by the previously oppressed". Aiden Shaw of Time Out New York wrote that "Thank fucking God someone did this, because...whatever happened to our individuality, our differences?" Other commentators harshly criticized Simpson's argument, with Boyz declaring that "Simpson is a cunt."[88]


Discrimination

In the journal article "Denied Citizens of Turkey: Experiences of Discrimination Among LGBT Individuals in Employment, Housing and Health Care", authors Yılmaz and Göçmen describe the experiences of discrimination in the LGBT community. From their findings collected from 14 focus group interviews within 139 LGBT volunteers, they found that like in any other country, there is discrimination within LGBT sub-groups. For example, through employment they found that LGBTs have limited job opportunities, and deal with discrimination in the workplace. In housing they have restricted options on to what they can buy or were demanded to change their residence, and if they could buy something, they were faced with discrimination in terms of pricing. In medical treatment, the medical system was not quick to the needs of LGBTs, or they were either denied medical treatment or were ashamed to ask for medical treatment due to the discrimination they could face. They claimed that transgender people are the most disadvantaged through all these fields.[89]


Chauvinism

The researcher in gender studies Jasbir K. Puar notes that some political powers have lined themselves up with the cause of the LGBTQ+ community in order to justify racist and xenophobic positions, especially against Islam. These positions are purportedly based on prejudices that migrant people are necessarily homophobic and that western society is entirely egalitarian.[90][91][92] Thus, sexual diversity and LGBT rights are used to sustain political stances against immigration, being increasingly common among far-right parties.[93][94][95]


LGBT Culture in The Military

In 2010, the repeal of the Don't Ask Don't Tell (DADT)[96] was a great step in the inclusion of lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals in the military. “The repeal of DADT reversed the practice of discharging LGB service members on the basis of sexual identity.” Although this was a large shift in policy by the U.S. for those identifying as LGB, those who are transgender are still not fully included in this change.

Some challenges that transgender people face post-DADT are “changing their name to align with their gender identity, changing their sex designation in official documentation and records, encouraging appropriate pronoun use, and obtaining appropriate medical services” (Levy et al., 2015; Parco et al., 2015a, 2015b).[97]
Another challenge that they face is Transphobia which is “the intense dislike of prejudice against transsexual or transgender people” (Hill & Willoughby).


Gay Pride Parade

Gay Pride Parades show initiation of the LGBT community to embrace their culture and are considered one of the 'new social movements' that originated in the 1960s (Stammers, 2009, p 147).[98] For the LGBT community, The Pride Parades all around the world collectively use spatial articulation to address political and human rights claims. These parades give LGBT members the opportunity to raise awareness to their needs on a large stage and also allows them to celebrate their pride in their community and how far they have come.

“In this regard, gay pride parades represent the most significant event in which public space, considered to be 'heterosexual' by default (Valentine, 1993), is temporarily 'queered'. This temporary subversion of the spatial organisation represents a crucial moment of intense cultural creation.”
Participating in these events gives members of the LGBT community a chance to display their pride and share that experience with others who feel the same way.
On June 19, 1989, during Philadelphia's lesbian and gay pride parade, City Council member Angel Ortiz said, “Lesbians and gays come in all nationalities and in all colors. People don't want to hide away anymore. People want to be who they are, to be left alone for who they are and to celebrate who they are.”[99]



References

1) Julia Goicichea (August 16, 2017). "Why New York City Is a Major Destination for LGBT Travelers". The Culture Trip. Retrieved February 2, 2019.
2) Eli Rosenberg (June 24, 2016). "Stonewall Inn Named National Monument, a First for the Gay Rights Movement". The New York Times. Retrieved June 25, 2016.
3) "Workforce Diversity The Stonewall Inn, National Historic Landmark National Register Number: 99000562". National Park Service, U.S. Department of the Interior. Retrieved April 21, 2016.
4) du Pleissis, Michael; Chapman, Kathleen (February 1997). "Queercore: The distinct identities of subculture". College Literature. ISSN 0093-3139. Archived from the original on October 17, 2007. Retrieved June 21, 2007.
5) "Gay Shame: A Celebration of Resistance". Archived from the original on January 13, 2013. Retrieved August 18, 2009.
6) Herdt, Gilbert, ed. (1992). Gay Culture in America: Essays from the Field. Boston, Massachusetts: Beacon Press. ISBN 978-0807079157.
7) "Archived copy". Archived from the original on 2010-02-02. Retrieved 2009-09-24.
8) "Timeline: 25 Milestones in Our Time With AIDS | TheBody". www.thebody.com.
9) Ratti, Rakesh (Ed.) (1993). Lotus Of Another Color: An Unfolding of the South Asian Gay and Lesbian Experience. Alyson Books Boston MA
10) Interview with Michael Musto, David Shankbone, Wikinews, October 7, 2007.
11) "Neil Patrick Harris On Gay Marriage, Monogamy & Anderson Cooper". NBC New York.
12) Roffee, James A. (2016). "James Roffee & Andrea Waling Rethinking microaggressions and anti-social behaviour against LGBTIQ+ Youth". Safer Communities. 15 (4): 190–201. doi:10.1108/SC-02-2016-0004.
13) Veneziani, Vince (October 11, 2006). "Eight Social Networking Sites for Men Who Love Men".
Techcrunch. Retrieved December 17, 2012.
14) Hannah Seligson (June 19, 2011). "A Daily Deal Site Aimed Squarely at Gay Men". New York Times. Retrieved December 17, 2012.
15) Etengoff, C. & Daiute, C. (2015). Online Coming Out Communications between Gay Men and their Religious Family Allies: A Family of Choice and Origin Perspective, Journal of GLBT Family Studies.
16) "Has Queerness Found Its Place In High Fashion?". refinery29.com. Retrieved 2019-06-08.
17) Lo, Malinda Behind the Scenes at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival Archived 2008-08-13 at the Wayback Machine April 20, 2005 AfterEllen
18) [1] Ficera, Kim Don't Quote Me: Dinah Shore Weekend Archived 2008-03-26 at the Wayback Machine February 22, 2006 AfterEllen
19) Downs, Maggie Dinah Shore events part of celebration that began with a round of golf March 28, 2010 The Desert Sun
20) Bunch, Charlotte/The Furies Collective, Lesbians in Revolt, in The Furies: Lesbian/Feminist Monthly, vol.1, January 1972, pp.8-9
21) Hoagland articulates a distinction (originally noted by lesbian separatist author and anthologist Julia Penelope) between a lesbian subculture and a lesbian community; membership in the subculture being "defined in negative terms by an external, hostile culture", and membership in the community being based on "the values we believe we can enact here." Hoagland, Sarah Lucia. Lesbian Ethics: Towards a New Value, Institute for Lesbian Studies, Palo Alto, Ca.
22) Tallen, Bette S. Lesbian Separatism: A Historical and Comparative Perspective, in For Lesbians Only: A Separatist Anthology, Onlywomen Press, 1988, ISBN 0-906500-28-1, p141
23) Phoenix, Katrina (2010-03-24). "Why Lesbians Won't Give Up the Hipster". AutoStraddle. The Excitant Group, LLC. Retrieved 27 February 2015.
24) Welzer-Lang, Daniel (2008). "Speaking Out Loud About Bisexuality: Biphobia in the Gay and Lesbian Community". Journal of Bisexuality. 8 (1–2): 81–95. doi:10.1080/15299710802142259.
25) "25 Years of Bi Life". www.advocate.com. 2015-09-25. Retrieved 2019-01-28.
26) "These signs will help you figure out if you are bisexual". Gay Star News. 2018-01-29. Retrieved 2019-01-28.
27) "LOUD & PROUD: 8 Gay Musical Milestones". HuffPost UK. 2016-04-19. Retrieved 2019-01-28.
28) Page, Michael. "History of the Bi Pride Flag". Archived from the original on November 20, 2012. Retrieved December 17, 2012.
29) Day celebrates bisexuality, dispels myths. The Michigan Daily. Archived May 9, 2008, at the Wayback Machine
30) Bi Community Celebrates. Bay Windows; 9/25/2003, Vol. 21 Issue 41, p3-3, 1/4p
31) Anneliese A. Singh; Danica G. Hays; Laurel S. Watson (January 1, 2011). "Strength in the Face of Adversity: Resilience Strategies of Transgender Individuals". Journal of Counseling & Development. Archived from the original on June 11, 2014. Retrieved December 17, 2012. – via HighBeam Research (subscription required)
32) Flores, Herman, Gates, Brown, Andrew R., Jody L., Gary J., Taylor N.T. (June 2016). "How Many Adults Identify as Transgender in the United States?" (PDF). The Williams Institute.
33) Barrios, Barclay (2004). "Journals at the LMU William H. Hannon Library". Computers and Composition. 21 (3): 341–361. doi:10.1016/j.compcom.2004.05.003.
34) Iantaffi, Alex; Bockting, Walter O. (2011-03-01). "Views from both sides of the bridge? Gender, sexual legitimacy and transgender people's experiences of relationships". Culture, Health & Sexuality. 13 (3): 355–370. doi:10.1080/13691058.2010.537770. ISSN 1369-1058. PMC 3076785. PMID 21229422.
35) "About TDOR at Transgender Day of Remembrance". Transgenderdor.org. 1998-11-28. Archived from the original on 2011-07-23. Retrieved 2011-07-06.
36) Lisa Neff, "Pride by Many Other Names: Whether it's a Dyke March, Black Gay Pride, or a Youth Rally, Gay Men and Lesbians are Finding New Ways to Celebrate Their Diversity". pages 50-55, The Advocate, June 25, 2002.
37) Bockenek, et al, pages 49-53.
38) Bockenek, et al, pages 110-115.
39) Steph McKenna, "Diversity spotlight: Youth Pride Inc.", The Providence Journal, August 22, 2010.
40) Gibson, P. (1989). "Gay and Lesbian Youth Suicide". In Fenleib, Marcia R. (ed.). Report of the Secretary's Task Force on Youth Suicide. United States Government Printing Office. ISBN 978-0-16-002508-2.
41) Balsam, Kimberly F.; Esther D. Rothblum (June 2005). "Victimization Over the Life Span: A Comparison of Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Heterosexual Siblings" (PDF). Journal of Consulting and Clinical Psychology. 73 (3): 477–487. CiteSeerX 10.1.1.705.9685. doi:10.1037/0022-006x.73.3.477. PMID 15982145.
42) Ryan, Caitlin; David Huebner; Rafael M. Diaz; Jorge Sanchez (January 2009). "Family Rejection as a Predictor of Negative Health Outcomes in White and Latino Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Young Adults". Pediatrics. 123 (1): 346–352. doi:10.1542/peds.2007-3524. PMID 19117902.
43) Caruso, Kevin. "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Suicide". Suicide.org. Retrieved 2007-05-04.
44) "Daniel Radcliffe to appear in anti-homophobia ad: Daniel Radcliffe will appear in a public service announcement to condemn homophobia." Pink News, March 1, 2010.
45) Ethan Jacobs, "Mitt Romney's secret gay history!", Bay Windows, March 3, 2005.
46) "Dyer Appointed as District LGBTQ+ Director", District Chronicles, September 9, 2007.
47) "Gingrich to speak at Gay Youth Pride Day", press release at Salon.com
48) "Youth gay, lesbian event set for city", Rutland Herald, May 1, 2009.
49) Steve Desroches, "The Want You: A College Fair in Boston Helps Connect Gay and Lesbian Students With Schools Who Want Them On Campus" page 36, The Advocate, Sept. 3, 2002.
50) Smith Galtney, "All Together Now: A New Chorus for GLBTQI Youth Prepares a Holiday Concert in New York", page 50, Out, December 2003.
51) Travis D. Bone, "San Diego schools observe Day of Silence: National event aims to make schools safer", Gay & Lesbian Times, April 15, 2004.
52) Terri Blackwell, Carolyn Mathews and Melissa Winder, "Groups chant their opinions at 10 protests", White County News Telegraph, March 10, 2005.
53) "LGBTQ+ Chicago Year in Review", Windy City Times, December 29, 2007.
54) "Utah Pride Center hosts LGBT homeless youth event", Associated Press, 8 July 2009.
55) Steve La, "Hollywood Youth Pride Hopes To Help Young People In L.A.", LA Weekly, August 23, 2010.
56) Nicholas Ray, Colby Berger, Susan Boyle, Mary Jo Callan, Mia White, Grace McCelland, Theresa Nolan, "Lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender youth: An epidemic of homelessness", National Gay And Lesbian Task Force, National Coalition for The Homeless, January 30, 2007.
57) S.D. Liddick, "A Church Divided", San Diego Magazine, pages 109-113, June 2005.
58) Inside Pride, San Francisco Pride Guide, pages, pages 40-42, June 2010.
59) Seaton, Jaimie. "Homeless rates for LGBT teens are alarming, but parents can make a difference". chicagotribune.com. Retrieved 2019-03-02.
60) Shelton, Jama (December 2015). "Transgender youth homelessness: Understanding programmatic barriers through the lens of cisgenderism". Children and Youth Services Review. 59: 10–18. doi:10.1016/j.childyouth.2015.10.006.
61) Duncan, Dustin T.; Hatzenbuehler, Mark L. (February 2014). "Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Hate Crimes and Suicidality Among a Population-Based Sample of Sexual-Minority Adolescents in Boston". American Journal of Public Health. 104 (2): 272–278. doi:10.2105/ajph.2013.301424. ISSN 0090-0036. PMC 3935714.
62) "About the Deaf Queer Resource Center". Archived from the original on December 18, 2012. Retrieved December 18, 2012.
63) Blechner, Mark J. (2015-07-03). "Bigenderism and Bisexuality". Contemporary Psychoanalysis. 51 (3): 503–522. doi:10.1080/00107530.2015.1060406. ISSN 0010-7530.
64) Alimahomed, Sabrina (2010-03-01). "Thinking outside the rainbow: women of color redefining queer politics and identity". Social Identities. 16 (2): 151–168. doi:10.1080/13504631003688849. ISSN 1350-4630.
65) Sycamore, Mattilda Bernstein. ""Transgender Troops" Should Be an Oxymoron". Truthout.
66) Yoshino, Kenji (2000). The epistemic contract of bisexual erasure. Stanford Law Review, 53(2), P. 399
67) Resisting the Rise of Pink Capitalism. Archived 2016-03-02 at the Wayback Machine Morning Star. 25 June 2015.
68) Lily, Shangay (2016). Adiós Chueca. Memorias del gaypitalismo: la creación de la marca gay (in Spanish). Foca. ISBN 978-84-945283-3-0.
69) (in Spanish) Capitalismo Rosa. Fefa Vila. Asociación Lesbianas Gays Transexuales y Bisexuales. 10 July 2015.
70) (in Spanish) Capitalismo Rosa. David Molina. Asociación Lesbianas Gays Transexuales y Bisexuales. 10 July 2015.
71) (in Spanish) Capitalismo Rosa. Josué González. Asociación Lesbianas Gays Transexuales y Bisexuales. 10 July 2015.
72) (in Spanish) Capitalismo rosa. TVE. 2007.
73) "El capitalismo o la vida". Transfeminismos. Epistemes, fricciones y flujos (in Spanish). Txalaparta. 2013. pp. 89–174. ISBN 978-84-1531366-3.
74) (in Spanish) Tres debates sobre la homonormativización de las identidades gay y lesbiana. Asparkía. Investigación Feminista. 2015.
75) Vélez-Pelligrini, Laurentino (2008). "Los dilemas del Gaybusiness: mercado, consumo e identidad". Minorías sexuales y sociología de la diferencia (in Spanish). Ediciones de Intervención cultural. ISBN 978-84-96831-76-6.
76) (in Spanish) De Macondo a McOndo. Senderos de la postmodernidad latinoamericana. Diana Palaversich. Plaza y Valdés Editores. 2005.
77) Radical Queers. A Pop Culture Assessment of Montréal's Anti-Capitalist Ass Pirates, the Panthères roses, and Lesbians on Ecstasy. Canadian Woman Studies/Les cahiers de la femme. 2005.
78) (in French) Les Panthères roses de Montréal Archived 2017-02-02 at the Wayback Machine. Collectif de Recherche sur l'Autonomie Collective. 2010.
79) Pride For Profit: Are Corporations Cashing In On Seattle Pride? Archived 2015-08-19 at the Wayback Machine The Capitol Hill Times. 27 June 2012.
80) The commodification of Pride. Slaney Street. 25 May 2014.
81) The Business of Pride: The Problem with Pink Capitalism. Odyssey. 7 June 2016.
82) (in Spanish) Queer: Otro término de identidad de género. Radio Canadá Internacional. 19 June 2016.
83) Too straight, white and corporate: why some queer people are skipping SF Pride. The Guardian. 25 June 2016.
84) LGBT Night March decries Pride's corporate sponsorship. The Star. 28 de junio de 2016.
85) Prosser, J (1998) Second Skins: The Body Narratives of Transsexuality. New York: Columbia University Press p. 59
86) "Gay Groups Ignore Monogamy when Promoting Marriage". June 20, 2008.
87) Joshi, Yuvraj (May 2012). "Respectable Queerness" (PDF). 43 (2). Columbia Human Rights Law Review: 415–467. Archived from the original (PDF) on 2012-05-23.
88) "Archived copy". Archived from the original on 2011-09-27. Retrieved 2011-10-23.
89) Yılmaz, Volkan; Göçmen, İpek (2016-09-01). "Denied Citizens of Turkey: Experiences of Discrimination 
Among LGBT Individuals in Employment, Housing and Health Care". Gender, Work & Organization. 23 (5): 470–488. doi:10.1111/gwao.12122. ISSN 1468-0432.
90) Puar, Jasbir K. (2007). Terrorist Assemblages: Homonationalism in Queer Times. Duke University Press. p. 83. ISBN 978-0-8223-4094-2.
91) Homonationalism, Heteronationalism and LGBTI Rights in the EU. Public Seminar. 31 August 2016.
92) In America, Muslims Are More Likely to Support Gay Marriage Than Evangelical Christians. Reason. 13 June 2016
93) The Men Who Would Be Queen: France, Le Pen & The LGBT Vote. Pride Life. 7 June 2016.
94) (in Spanish) El ascenso de la extrema derecha en Europa, en clave LGTB. Dos manzanas. 2 June 2014.
95) (in French) Homo et d'extrême droite: qu'est-ce que «l'homonationalisme»? Le Monde. 22 December 2014.
96) Alford, Brandon and Shawna J (July 2016). "Toward Complete Inclusion: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Military Service Members After Repeal of Don't Ask, Don't Tell". Social Work. 61 (3): 257–265. doi:10.1093/sw/sww033.
97) Levy, D. A., Parco, J. E., & Spears, S. R. (2015). "Purple in a black and white world: Self-determination theory and transgender military service". Journal of Basic and Applied Sciences. 11: 359–369. 
doi:10.6000/1927-5129.2015.11.52.
98) Ammaturo, Francesca Romana (January 2016). "Spaces of Pride: A Visual Ethnography of Gay Pride Parades in Italy and the United Kingdom". Social Movement Studies. 15 (1): 19–40. doi:10.1080/14742837.2015.1060156.
99) Mehta, Shilpa. “Philly Celebrates Gay/Lesbian Pride.” Philadelphia Gay News 23–29 June 1989, Vol. 13, No. 34: Pages 1 & 17. Print (from William Way Center).

Further reading

Bockenek, Michael, A. Widney Brown, "Hatred in the hallways: violence and discrimination against lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgendered students in U.S. schools", Human Rights Watch, 2001, ISBN 1-56432-259-9, ISBN 978-1-56432-259-3.

(Source: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/LGBT_culture September 6th, 2019)



“People who always want to be happy and pursue it above all else are some of the most miserable people in the world.”

― Henry Cloud, Boundaries in Marriage


Zwei schwule Männer beschreiben ihren Lebensstil wie folgt: "Viele Psychologen, Soziologen und gelehrte Menschen haben ausführlich geschrieben über die Einsamkeit der Menschen in der heutigen unpersönlichen und mechanisierten Welt voller nutzloser Sachen, Technologien und wissenschaftlichem Management. Der Homosexuelle ist vielleicht noch mehr alleine wegen seiner Homosexualität. (...) Er denkt, dass er noch verzweifelter jemand braucht, mit dem er sein Leben teilt ? wegen seines erhöhten Bedürfnisses nach Kommunikation mit Gleichgesinnten, sodass er sich nicht so alleine fühlen muss. Als Ergebnis davon sucht er eifrig nach dem Idealtypen, der - so denkt er - dem Problem und seiner Suche ein Ende setzen wird. Er ist vielleicht kein Trinker, aber er geht in Gay Bars, cruist in den Strassen und taucht ab und zu an Orten auf, wo sich Homosexuelle treffen, immer auf der suche nach diesem Traumprinzen. Jedes sexuelle Erlebnis wird hoffentlich das "wahre" sein, aber für gewöhnlich sind zahlreiche kurzlebige Affairen das Ergebnis. Zeit geht vorüber. Jahre gehen vorbei. Die Attraktivität der Jugend schwindet dahin. Die Muskeln werden schwabblig. Er bekommt immer mehr graue Haare. Langsam fallen sie ihm aus. Die Affairen gehen weiter. Je älter der Mann wird, desto härter muss er daran arbeiten, andere zu überreden, Interesse an ihm zu finden. Wenn das fehl schlägt, kommt es zur Verzweiflung im Alter, die nur durch den unvermeidlichen Tod endet." (Donald Webster Cory and John P. LeRoy, The Homosexual and His Society: A View From Within)



Beschreibung des homosexuellen Lebensstils in San Francisco, geschrieben von einem homosexuellen Reporter: "Die schwule Sexszene wurde immer unpersönlicher. Zuerst hat man mit jemand geschlafen, die ganze Nacht gekuschelt und geredet und morgens Omelettes gegessen. Dann wurde das Frühstück weggelassen - wie viele Omelettes kann man schon machen, bis es langweilig wird? Dann ist man nicht mehr über Nacht geblieben. In den Saunas schließlich musste man nicht einmal mehr reden. Clubs mit "Glory Holes" und "Cornholes" kamen als nächstes in Mode. Dort musstest du noch nicht einmal den Menschen ansehen, mit dem du Sex hattest.? (Randy Shilts, And The Band Played On)


Homosexualität hat für viele von uns Schande, Verstecken, das Vorgaukeln einer falschen Identität und Täuschung bedeutet. Manche von uns waren sogar stolz auf ihre Fähigkeit, etwas verborgen zu halten und unsere Gefühle zu verstecken ? um alleine durch?s Leben zu gehen. All das erlaubte es uns, weiter zu leugnen. Es brachte uns in die Lage, uns selbst zu überzeugen, dass wir niemals die Konsequenzen unserer Handlungen erleben müssten. Es hat uns sogar soweit gebracht, dass wir ernsthaft glaubten, es würde niemals Konsequenzen geben.


Irgendwann kam dann die Zeit, wo wir die zerstörerischen Konsequenzen unseres Lebensstils nicht mehr länger vor uns selbst verbergen konnten. Wir wurden verletzt und wir verletzten Andere ? und das oft im Namen der Liebe. Das Verstecken vergrößerte nur unsere Isolation und zerstörte unser Selbstbewusstsein. Uns wurde klar, dass die Geheimnisse, die wir hatten, uns von der Freiheit abhielten, die zu finden wir schließlich als notwendig erkannt hatten.


Wenn wir jemals heilen sollten, bräuchten wir bedingungslose Liebe. Unser Doppelleben machte aber das Empfangen solch einer Liebe unmöglich.Um diese Art von Liebe zu erfahren, mussten wir uns selbst mit all unseren Fehlern vor Gott, uns selbst und Anderen offenbaren.

Unsere moralische Bestandsaufnahme hat uns die Dinge beigebracht, die wir zu beichten hatten. Wir fangen mit Gott an, weil Er Liebe ist (siehe 1 Johannes 4:16) und sich verpflichtet hat, all denen zu vergeben und sie von der Sünde weiß zu waschen, die Ihm ihre Sünden beichten (siehe 1 Johannes 1:9).

Unser Annehmen von Gottes Vergebung gibt uns die Kraft, uns selbst in einem völlig neuen Licht zu sehen. Uns Seiner Vergebung bewusst zu sein ermöglicht es uns, uns selbst zu vergeben. Uns Seiner Annahme bewusst zu sein ermöglicht es uns, uns selbst anzunehmen.


Gay Life?

Schwuler Lebensstil?


Vorab: so etwas wie einen schwulen Lebensstil gibt es nicht. Homosexuelle sind genauso unterschiedlich hinsichtlich ihres Aussehens und der Art und Weise, wie sie ihr Leben führen, wie andere Menschen. Vielleicht sind es einfach nur bestimmte Typen von Homosexuellen, die uns besonders auffallen und von denen wir aus Rückschlüsse auf andere schließen.


Nicht jeder homosexuelle Mann muss weibliches Verhalten oder Aussehen an den Tag legen und nicht jede homosexuelle Frau muss besonders männlich auftreten.


Die meisten Homosexuellen fallen uns überhaupt nicht auf, weil sie einfach sind wie alle anderen Menschen.


Homosexuelle, die ihre Neigungen nicht ausleben möchten und Freiheit suchen, versuchen nun oft, ihr Verhalten, Aussehen usw. dem der anderen Männer (bzw. Frauen) anzugleichen - genauso auszusehen, sich genauso zu verhalten und den gleichen Lebensstil zu haben wie "gesunde" Heterosexuelle.


Umgekehrt wird es oft auch von diesen Homosexuellen auf dem Genesungsweg geradezu verlangt. Da hört mann dann Kommentare wie: "Der weiße Anzug, den du da anhast, war vielleicht dein Geschmack, als du noch schwul warst, aber ein heterosexueller Mann trägt so etwas nicht. Du solltest das jetzt nicht mehr anziehen!".



Und so versuchen wir es: wir kleiden uns wie die anderen, benehmen uns wie sie usw.



Nun ist dies im Ansatz zwar richtig: es gibt sehr viele Verhaltensweisen und sehr vieles an unserem Aussehen, an der Art und Weise, wie wir unsere Wohnung einrichten, an unserer Freizeitgestaltung, Sprache, Gestik, Mimik etc., das noch aus unserer homosexuellen Zeit kommt und das wir sehr wohl ablegen sollten. Ebenso sollten wir als Christinnen und Christen nicht so viel Wert auf Äußerlichkeiten und weltliche Dinge legen.


Es macht aber keinen Sinn, versuchen zu wollen, andere zu kopieren - oder das von uns zu verlangen, weil man denkt, die eigene Lebensweise sei die ideale - schließlich ist man selbst ja nicht homosexuell. Dahinter steckt eine sehr verzerrte Auffassung vom individuellen Ausdruck der Persönlichkeit.


Auch während und nach der Therapie werden wir immer "anders" sein - und daran ist nichts Schlechtes!


Wir haben andere Talente, andere von Gott gegebene Gaben und wir empfinden anders. Jeder von uns hat eine andere Persönlichkeit. Eine eigene, individuelle Persönlichkeit. Und die ist keineswegs schlechter oder minderwertiger als die von Menschen ohne gleichgeschlechtliche Neigungen!


Es ist also - in gewissem Rahmen - absolut in Ordnung "anders" zu sein! Anders auszusehen und einen anderen Geschmack zu haben! 


Natürlich sehen wir anders aus und leben vielleicht in gewisser Weise auch anders - weil wir anders sind!


Wir sollten also daran arbeiten, ungesundes Verhalten abzulegen - ohne dabei jedoch unsere eigene Persönlichkeit zu verlieren oder verleugnen!




Aber Gott liebt uns doch alle!
Gerade ihr als Christen solltet doch wissen, dass Gott uns alle liebt!

Tun wir. Auch wenn manche unter uns oft noch Schwierigkeiten haben, an die Liebe Gottes zu glauben - angesichts der Verfehlungen, die sie sich geleistet haben. Aber so ist Gott: wenn wir bekennen, bereuen und uns ändern, vergibt Er uns. Er liebt uns so sehr, dass Er Seinen Sohn hingegeben hat, um für UNS zu sterben!

Was mit derartigen Statements aber oft unterschwellig zum Ausdruck kommt: Gott liebt uns, egal was wir tun. Wir können weitermachen wie bisher, tun und lassen, was wir wollen - Gott liebt uns. Alles ist gut.

Eine Schwester in Christus sage mir einmal: "Wenn wir sündigen ist, das so, als würden wir Christus anspucken. Er ist für uns gestorben und ließ sich ans Kreuz schlagen - und wir spucken auf Ihn!".

Da steckt eine Menge Wahrheit drin.

Gott liebt uns, soviel ist sicher. Aber lieben wir Ihn genauso? Entgegen weitläufiger Meinung ist Gott durchaus auch ein Gott, der gefürchtet werden will. Gerade weil Er uns liebt, hat Er uns mehrmals ausdrücklich davor gewarnt, uns von Ihm abzuwenden und ein Leben zu führen, das nicht Seinen Grundsätzen entspricht. Er hat uns aber auch die freie Wahl gelassen. Wir können uns für oder gegen Ihn entscheiden. Wie auch immer unsere Wahl ausfallen wird, sie hat Konsequenzen. Trotz oder gerade wegen der Liebe Gottes.

Jesus hat uns gesagt, dass das Tor zum Himmel eng ist und der Weg beschwerlich. Nur wenige werden ihn gehen - die meisten wählen das breite Tor, zu dem ein weitaus bequemerer Weg führt. Er hat uns nie versprochen, dass es leicht wird - Er hat nur gesagt, dass es sich lohnen würde.

Gott liebt uns. Das ist aber für uns kein Frei-Ticket für ein Verhalten frei nach Lust und Laune, nach dem Motto: Gott liebt uns trotzdem, egal, was wir tun. Uns wird schon nichts geschehen.

Wenn man sich da mal nicht irrt.


Wer Homosexualität mit Alkoholismus oder Drogenkonsum vergleicht, beleidigt Homosexuelle!


Es ist eine Unterstellung, zu behaupten, wir würden Homosexualität auf einer Ebene wie Alkoholismus und Drogenkonsum sehen, wie es mit dieser Aussage angedeutet wird.


Wir nehmen uns aber das Recht, diverse Argumente von Homosexuellen anhand von Beispielen konsequent weiter zu führen sowie aus unserer Erfahrung sowie aus der Erfahrung von vielen anderen zu berichten.

Wer etwa behauptet, ein Verhalten oder eine Veranlagung sei alleine deshalb schon "moralisch akzeptabel", weil es möglicherweise genetische Voraussetzungen gibt, die es dem Betroffenen leichter machen, Derartiges zu entwickeln, muss sich auch gefallen lassen, dass man diese Argumentation auch auf andere Fälle ausdehnt. Hiermit lässt sich schnell zeigen, zu welchen Absurditäten dies führen kann.


Aus unseren eigenen Erfahrungen in der Szene und aus unserem eigenen Leben können wir außerdem durchaus bezeugen, dass Alkohol- und Drogenkonsum sehr wohl ein Thema waren. Dass ein konsequent zügelloser Lebensstil auch in anderen Bereichen Auswirkungen hat.


Selbstverständlich ist die Art und Weise, wie Homosexuelle ihr Leben führen, nicht bei allen gleich. Uns ist aber wichtig, bestimmte Aspekte aufzuzeigen, die im allgemeinen Lobpreis des homosexuellen Lebens schnell untergehen.


Und dies sei uns zugestanden.



Traurigkeit und Hypersensibilität

Das emotionale Innenleben von Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen war und ist ja schon oft Gegenstand leidenschaftlicher Diskussionen, Untersuchungen und Studien gewesen.


Die einen behaupten, Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen seien von Natur aus etwas sensibler als andere, sehen also deren Veranlagung als genetisch begründet.


Andere machen das exzessive schwule Leben mit verantwortlich für emotionale und psychische Probleme.

Wieder andere schieben alles auf die Unterdrückung und Diskriminierung durch die Gesellschaft.

Dann gibt es noch die, die darauf verweisen, dass es sehr wohl umweltbedingte Faktoren und auf die Lebensweise zurückzuführende Probleme gibt, diese aber auch ihre Spuren in der Hirnstruktur hinterlassen (kurz: ihrer Meinung nach waren diverse Synapsen verstärkt, was es den Betroffenen eventuell leichter macht, sich künftig ähnlich zu verhalten. Dies ist jedoch keine medizinische Information meinerseits! Für Auskünfte hierzu bitte an einen Facharzt wenden).


Das Ganze hört sich manchmal so an wie die Diskussion, was zuerst da war: die Henne oder das Ei.

Bei vielen dürften wohl genetische Veranlagungen eine tragende Rolle spielen. Dies ist aber nicht zu verwechseln mit "Weicheiern". Ja, viele mögen sensibler als der Durchschnittsmensch sein und sehen dies auch selbst oft als Plage, zumal sie möglicherweise deshalb auch gehänselt und verspottet wurden oder auch noch werden. Wie in so vielem anderen auch ist es hier beinahe lebenswichtig, zu der Einsicht zu komme, dass man vielleicht anders - also "sensibler" - ist als andere und deshalb auch entsprechende Vorkehrungen treffen muss, um emotional und psychisch gesund zu bleiben. Enorm wichtig aber auch, zu verstehen, dass der eigene emotionale Empfangspegel vielleicht weitaus weiter aufgedreht ist als bei Otto Normalverbraucher, dies jedoch nichts mit Bewertungen wie "gut" oder "schlecht" zu tun hat. Kurz gesagt heißt das ganz einfach, dass solche Menschen Emotionen wie Angst, Freude, Traurigkeit usw. weitaus früher und intensiver empfinden können als der durchschnittliche Mitbürger. Das ist durchaus nichts Negatives – es kann auch als besondere Begabung gesehen werden. Männer, die so empfinden, sind keineswegs weniger "Mann" deshalb. Sie sind schlichtweg anders als andere Männer.


Selbstverständlich kommt es auch vor, dass Menschen, die sensibler sind als andere, gehänselt werden und es im Alltag oft sehr schwer haben. Dies ist natürlich abzulehnen, hat aber grundsätzlich nicht unbedingt und zwangsweise etwas mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen im besonderen zu tun, sondern tritt allgemein auf. Leider gibt es aber Menschen, die alles in einen Topf werfen und besonders sensible Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen (v.a. Männer) deshalb beschimpfen und verbal und/oder körperlich (möglicherweise auch sexuell) missbrauchen. Hiergegen aktiv vorzugehen sind wir alle gerufen.

Dass ein Leben in der schwulen Szene mit ständig wechselnden Sexualpartnern, extremen Sexualpraktiken, vielleicht auch erhöhtem Alkoholkonsum und ähnlichem, einer radikalen Veränderung des äußeren Erscheinungsbildes sowie der Art und Weise zu sprechen, der Mimik und Gestik, der regelmäßige Konsum von pornographischen Material und den Menschen, mit denen man Umgang hat, auch Auswirkungen auf die emotionale Verfassung eines Menschen hat, dürfte auch für Laien unschwer zu verstehen sein. Für Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen, die so leben, ist das aber oft weniger leicht zu erkennen. Sie spüren sehr wohl de emotionalen Konsequenzen, bringen dies aber in der Regel nicht mit ihrer Lebensweise in Verbindung. Dieser Zusammenhang wird ihnen oft erst Jahre, nachdem sie dieses Leben hinter sich gelassen haben, bewusst - wenn sie mit dem nötigen Abstand auf ihr eigenes Leben zurückblicken.


Ein Aspekt, der gerade von Therapeuten wie Aardweg herausgearbeitet wird, ist das Selbstmitleid. Dies ist keinesfalls im umgangssprachlichen Sinn zu verstehen und herunterzuspielen. Dieses Selbstmitleid rührt aus frühester Kindheit. Ein Kind, dass sich nicht geliebt und gewollt fühlt (wohlgemerkt fühlt - hier kommt es nur auf die eigene Wahrnehmung, nicht aber auf "objektive" Tatsachen an. Es zählt also etwa nicht, ob der Vater den kleinen Sohn tatsächlich geliebt hat oder nicht, sondern alleine ob der Sohn sich geliebt fühlte), entwickelt eine Art emotionalen Schutzmechanismus zur "Selbstverteidigung".


Ich habe mal eine Art Dokumentation im TV gesehen, die ganz gut und drastisch vermittelte, was da wohl vorgegangen sein mag. Es wurde vorgeführt, wie ein kleines Baby auf menschliche Liebe und Zuneigung reagiert. Zunächst hielt man das Baby vor das Gesicht eines Erwachsenen, der allerdings weder durch Mimik, Gestik noch durch seine Stimme irgendwelche Emotionen zeigen durfte. Das Baby machte Laute, lachte, strahlte über das ganze Gesicht, streckte seine Ärmchen nach dem Erwachsenen aus. Der Kommentator im Hintergrund sagte, das Baby versuche so, den Erwachsenen zu einer liebevollen Reaktion zu bewegen. Der Erwachsene blieb jedoch regungslos. Der Kommentator meinte daraufhin, das Baby würde jedoch nicht aufhören, zu versuchen, diese Liebe vom Erwachsenen zu bekommen. Und so war es dann auch: Das Baby schien etwas verwirrt, versuchte aber immer weiter, den Erwachsenen zu irgendeiner Reaktion zu bewegen. Die Szene war wirklich herzzerreißend und das Experiment vor laufender Kamera wurde dann auch abgebrochen. Jedoch schildert dies sehr gut, was in der Kindheit so mancher Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen geschehen ist. Ein Junge etwa, der diese Liebe nicht vom Vater bekommt, sieht sich möglicherweise später nicht als zu der Welt der Männer zugehörig an. Auf jeden Fall könnte er einen emotionalen Schutzmechanismus - das "Selbstmitleid" - entwickeln. Er sieht sich gleichsam selbst von außen und tröstet sich selber, um so mit dem Mangel an Liebe und dem inneren Schmerz umzugehen. Dieser Mechanismus verselbstständigt sich jedoch im Laufe des Lebens, ohne dass der Betroffene sich dessen bewusst ist, und beeinträchtigt das gesamte weitere Leben, sofern dies nicht angegangen und derjenige sich dessen bewusst wird. Ein zügelloses Leben in der Schwulenszene mit extremen Sex und vielen Partnern, Drogen und in der Folge psychiatrischen Erkrankungen kann dann möglicherweise Ausdruck genau dessen sein.


Nun noch ein ganz anderer Aspekt, den gerade manche Männer mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen bezeugen können: Traurigkeit. Nicht Depression, auch nicht Melancholie, sondern eher eine Art Sehnsucht nach etwas Größerem, etwas, nach dem man sich unendlich sehnt und das man nicht hat. Etwas, das andere wahrscheinlich auch nicht nachvollziehen können und das man selbst auch schwer beschreiben kann. Manche vergleichen es mit der in uns verschüttet gegangenen Erinnerung an das durch den Sündenfall verlorene Paradies. Andere einfach mit der Leere in unseren Herzen, die nur von Gott gefüllt werden kann und die Menschen wie wir vielleicht weitaus tiefer empfinden. Eine Traurigkeit, die jeden Moment des Lebens empfunden wird.


Nicht-religiöse Menschen kommen damit wohl weitaus weniger zurecht und flüchten sich in alles mögliche, was Schmerzlinderung verspricht, ohne sich dessen bewusst zu sein.


All das sollte man auch im Gedächtnis behalten, wenn es darum geht, ein Leben in der Schwulenszene zu verlassen. All das, was man - zumeist unbewusst - getan hat, um diesen inneren Schmerz und diese unendliche Sehnsucht (die sich etwa auch in der Suche nach dem großen starken Mann, der einem Sicherheit gibt, äußern kann) zu betäuben, fällt nun auf einmal weg und man steht alleine und schutzlos mit diesem Schmerz da. Eine aktive, liebende und geduldige Unterstützung durch Freunde, Therapeuten, Geschwister im Glauben sowie der Familie ist hier unerlässlich.


Wenn man nun all das oben genannte berücksichtigt, sollte man doch erkennen, dass einfache Schuldzuweisungen wie die auf eine Diskriminierung der Gesellschaft zurückzuführende erhöhte Selbstmordrate bei Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen, nicht haltbar sind. Selbst wenn der Prozentsatz der Suizide bei Menschen mit gleichgeschlechtlichen Neigungen höher sein sollte, sind hier weitaus mehr Faktoren zu berücksichtigen.


(P.S.: Nochmals der Hinweis: Ich bin kein Facharzt. Dies stellt meine persönliche Meinung dar, basiert alllerdings auf langjährigen eigenen Erfahrungen. Bei psychischen Problemen oder Fragen hierzu bitte zu einem Psychiater oder dergleichen gehen.)


Robert Gollwitzer



Wie könnt ihr den sagen, ein homosexuelles Leben sei falsch, wenn man dabei glücklich ist?


Wir bestreiten keineswegs, dass manche Menschen eine Form des "Glücklichseins" im Ausleben ihrer gleichgeschlechtlichen Empfindungen finden können - wenngleich dies keineswegs die Regel ist, wie so manche meinen mögen.

Für einen Christen ist "Glücklichsein" aber kein Kriterium von "moralisch akzeptabel" oder "moralisch inakzeptabel" - und man darf bezweifeln, dass dies ein Kriterium für irgendjemand sein kann.

Dies führt schnell zu einem "moralischen Relativismus": jeder bestimmt für sich alleine, was gut, wahr, richtig, moralisch und sittlich akzeptabel ist. Dies ist aber auch der Untergang jeder Gesellschaft - unabhängig vom religiösen Hintergrund.

Aus eigener Erfahrung können wir nur sagen, dass viele von uns das "Glück", das sie im Ausleben ihrer gleichgeschlechtlichen Empfindungen gesucht hatten, dort nicht gefunden haben. Ganz im Gegenteil - manch einer hat Feuer mit Benzin gelöscht und nach Liebe an den falschen Orten gesucht.

Wir laden jeden ein, doch dieses "Argument" einmal weiter zu führen und auf andere Bereiche auszudehnen. Wenn man von der Gültigkeit dieser Aussage ausgeht, warum sollte sie dann nicht für jeden Menschen gelten? Dies führt jedoch schnell zu unhaltbaren und absolut unakzeptablen Zuständen.

Als Christen stellen wir ein persönliches "Glücksgefühl" nicht über die Liebe zum Herrn. Auch ein verheirateter Familienvater kann mit einer anderen Frau durchbrennen und bis ans Ende seiner Tage mit ihr "glücklich" sein. Würde das seinen Ehebruch akzeptabler machen?

Wir denken nicht.



During his time as an actively gay and church-attending Christian, Joe Dallas always asked himself this question: "Am I basing my decision to embrace the 'gay and Christian` identity on the belief that this is God's will for my life...or on the hope that this is what God might allow?" ("The Gay Gospel? How Pro-Gay Advocates Misread the Bible" - Joe Dallas; Harvest House)


"Ich will endlich so sein, wie ich bin?"

Diesen Spruch hört man von vielen Schwulen. Nach langer "Selbstverleugnung" wäre nun der Damm gebrochen und sie könnten so sein, wie sie tatsächlich sind.

Wie aber sieht die Realität aus?

Kurz: Die Einzigen, die sie so nehmen, wie sie sind, sind wahrscheinlich die "Heteros". Die schwule Wirklichkeit - insbesondere für Männer - sieht anders aus.
Um auf dem "schwulen Fleischmarkt" Erfolg zu haben, versuchen viele, Stereotypen zu imitieren - oder verlangen dies von potentiellen Partnern. Das wird dann sogar als "Freiheit" von der bisherigen - tatsächlichen - Identität bezeichnet. So werden die Haare kurz geschoren, ein Holzfällerhemd und Jeans angezogen, man lässt sich einen Bart wachsen und meint dann, ein "richtiger" Mann zu sein. Je mehr man einer stereotypen Vorstellung eines "Hetero-Mannes" entspricht, desto besser. Das Problem dabei? Das ist eine Comic-Version von einem Mann. Mit wahrer Männlichkeit hat das aber schon gar nichts zu tun. Ein Bart und ein Holzfällerhemd machen einen mit Sicherheit nicht zum Mann. Vor allem aber verleugnet man damit sich selbst und fordert dies von anderen. "Freiheit" ist etwas anderes. Die Partner sind austauschbar und befriedigen im Grunde nur die eigenen Bedüfnisse und Wünsche. Irgendwann erledigt das Alter den Rest und ein Stereotyp lässt sich beim besten Willen nicht mehr konstruieren. Ich habe dies selbst getan und erfahren und ich habe es zur Genüge an anderen gesehen.

"Freiheit" ist das, was ich erleben durfte, nachdem ich die schwule Szene verlassen hatte. Endlich konnte ich mich dem Zwang des schwulen Fleischmarktes entziehen und so sein, wie ICH bin und sein will. Ich verlange von niemandem, dies zu mögen, ich werde mich aber bestimmt nicht mehr verleugnen, um jemand anderem zu gefallen. Er will dann nicht mich, sondern ein verzerrtes körperliches Bild von mir.

Besonders aber hat mich immer die Diskriminierung innerhalb der schwulen Szene geärgert und verletzt (wenn dies von Menschen kam, an denen mir was lag): wer nicht der schwulen Vorstellung eines Mannes entspricht, ist eine "Tunte" - und nichts ist schlimmer als das. Niemand will eine Tunte sein und distanziert sich davon, indem er andere als solche beschimpft. Die wahren "Tunten" stecken aber nicht selten in Holzfällerhemden.

Im Grunde ist das alles eine sehr tragische Entwicklung. Wer seine männliche Identität nie gefunden hat, jagt einer Fata Morgana nach, die dem entsprechen soll. Vor allem aber läuft er Männern hinterher, die diesem Trugbild am besten entsprechen. Hat er einen gefunden, bleibt er aber weiterhein auf der Suche, ob das Gras anderswo grüner ist. Nicht umsonst sind "Bären" so beliebt in der schwulen Szene, weil sie all die körperlichen Kriterien haben, die man als "männlich" vermutet: Dicker Bauch, behaart, kurze Haare, Bart, Holzfällerhemd, Jeans.

Die Einzigen, die mich so genommen haben, wie ich bin, waren "Heteros". Wo mich so mancher Schwuler beschimpft (oder aufgrund der Entsprechung mit dem "Ideal" als "geil" bezeichnet hat) hat, haben mir Heteros offen gesagt, was ihnen an mir gefällt.

"Freiheit" habe ich in der schwulen Szene nie gefunden. Sobald potentieller Sex meinerseits nicht mehr zur Verfügung stand, lösten sich schnell schwule "Freundschaften" auf. Ebensowenig selbstlose Liebe und Zuneigung und wahren Glauben.

Das mag politisch nicht korrekt sein, entspricht aber meinen Erfahrungen.

Robert


From Homosexuals Anonymous Online:


yes it does feel "great" at first (i.e. sex with another man) but then there are the thoughts the day after:

1) Did I get a disease?
2) Did I give him one? (Maybe I have a disease and don't know it yet)
3) Is he going to tell anyone? IF so, what will his side of the story be--- I raped him, I forced him, HE had to fight me off but I still wanted him.(Will he say that even if he approached me?)
4) If he gets a disease later (from someone else) will he come looking for me? Will he put my name in a newspaper for my family to see in order to find me?
5) Was he married? If so, does he have children?  Does he have other sex partners?
6) If I see him in public what will I say or do, especially if he sees me with someone who does not know about my SSA struggles?
7) If he sees me in public with a friend that does not have SSA, but is still kind of cute, will he try to "pursue" my friend and force him into something?
8) Did he REALLY want to do it or was he too drunk to say no?
9) Did he REALLY want to do it or did he do it because he felt he had to because we were friends.
10)Did anyone else see us or if so what will they say?

ANOTHER THING IS IF YOU WERE HIS FIRST, WILL HE REMAIN DOING SSA EXPERIENCES BECAUSE YOU INTRODUCED HIM TO IT AND WILL HE SAY NO TO A STRAIGHT RELATIONSHIP AND MARRIAGE BECAUSE HE IS WAITING FOR YOU TO COME BACK



Guys,

I am currently doing "The Game Plan" with one of your brothers and he allowed me to publish his list with the 35 reasons why you should leave a homosexual life (or not go into it). As you know, that list serves as a motivation - reading it aloud every morning after Scripture reading and prayer.

So here we go:


1 One it hurts my wife
2 Hurt my kids
3 Have a criminal record - served one year probation
4 God does not approve of such behavior
5 Separates me from the love of God
6 Could get a serious diease
7 Lost my job teaching at the college
8 Could lose my current job if I go porn site
9 Live in denial and a scret life which is not healthy
10 It is not real, but a fantasy that ends in diaster.
11 no love for anyone - it is all about me.
12 lust is out to destory me 
13 I cannot make a man love me.
14 True union is btwn a man and a woman
15 my life was out of control
16 hate one night stands
17 does not give me what I am looking for in a relationship
18 never satisfy looking for next big fix
19 in bondage to my false high
20 causes depression
21 causes isolation
22 want to live for Christ
23 lived in fear
24 not socially accepted
25 want to relate to men in a healthy way
26 destroys friendships
27 the chemical release is like a drug and i can't say no
28 cannot distinquist people motives if they real or not
29 not able to be honest
30 not able to trust
31 cripple my ability to be light and salt that the world needs
32 i am deliberatily putting my pleasure before God, wife and kids
33 i am polutting my mind and body
34 i am participating in the sort of evil i said i am against
35 i am not being the man i can be


Dear Group,
Here is my answer for the question. What SSA has stolen from my life. I am thankful God has restored some of this list back to my life. But it was all gone at one point or another.
  1. Loss of right relationship with my earthly father.
  2. Loss of right relationship with my brothers
  3. Loss of marriage
  4. Loss of kids and a heritage they might leave.
  5. Financial chaos for many years
  6. Drug problem
  7. Drinking problem
  8  Porn Addiction
  9. Loss of income
 10. Have to live in a rural area away from centers of commerce.
 11. Mental condition/ My sanity left for a while
 12. Living with STD... HIV.. have to take many pills the rest of my life.
 13. Loss of right relationships with my peer group
 14. Loss of post ion in my community
 15. Loss of property I might own had I not been in chaos financially.
 16. Put my inheritance in jeopardy with my earthy father.
 17. Loss of right relationship with my cousins and their families.
 18. Loss of relationships with church family.
 19. Put my life in physical danger when using drugs and alcohol.
 20. Destroyed my reputation as man.
 21. Loss of professional relationships with successful people in the restaurant business.
 22. Loss of professional jobs with a future.
 23. Loss of self esteem.
 24. Loss of self confidence.
 25. Loss of peace.
 26. Loss of restful lifestyle.
D.


Robert,
To answer your question: "if you had to explain to someone with ssa why he should leave the gay life or not embrace it at first place and why it is so much worth to take up the fight for the Lord's cause, what would you say?"
Running after gay relationships is like drinking Drano. It leaves you feeling hollow inside. I maybe come at it from a different perspective. I grew up going to church and have gone as long as I can remember. I accepted Christ at a young again and have never left the church through all my struggles. I always felt like a hypocrite for the sin that I was committing, but never felt free to confess my sin openly. As I said, I accepted Christ at a young age and he has always given me faith and hope to continue to seek him. I never ran head long into the gay life-style because I knew that it would never ultimately satisfy me and I knew in the deepest part of my soul that it is wrong. But little by little, I allowed myself to be lead deeper and deeper into my addiction.
"Why shouldn't you go into a gay life?" It is a Pandora's Box. One of my regrets is a lose of innocents. I wish I didn't know of the depths of darkness that man can stoop to.
"Why get out of it?" Christ offers to restore what has been lost. He offers to restore the image of God in me that has been marred by my sin. He offers to give me deep intimacy with men and women free from stains of sin. That is why I continue to fight against the sin even when I fall. Every time I fall it reaffirms the emptiness of the gay life. I know that Christ has something better for me. Something that doesn't slip away in the moment. So I want to wait for that.
Peace of Christ,
M.


Things I am Learning

1. Time heals all wounds - this is not true.  Emotional wounds that are not healed, fester.

2. I was somehow different from other males - this is not true.  Every man who ever was questions his manhood, questions how "good" of a man he is.

3. The definition of Manhood can be found in society - this is not true.  The only definition of manhood that we should concern ourselves with is the definition set forth by God in the Bible in the example of Jesus Christ.

4. I am not worth the effort of healing - this is not true.  Each and every one of us is WORTH it.  Each and every one of us has intrinsic value as a human being, each and every one of us has a God given destiny to fulfill, and GOD thinks we are worth it!!

5. Focusing exclusively on a relationship with God will heal me - this is not entirely true.  Of course, a deep, intimate relationship with God is important, but there are many blockages and obstacles that we have put in place between us and God, and without working through the underlying emotional wounds, we limit our ability to relate to God.  The inverse is actually true, by working on my healing, I can gain a better, more intimate relationship with God.

6.  Healing is passive - this is a LIE.  Healing is an ACTIVE process.  I have struggled with various addictions throughout my life (and still do), addictions to cigarettes, caffeine, marijuana.   The process of healing and recovering is an ACTIVE process that occurs in the mind.  I must continually CHOOSE healing, I must continually form and focus my thoughts toward the objective of obtaining wholeness in my struggle.  If I do not make an active choice, my personality, BY DEFAULT, operates in  broken mode.


Each day, I continue to learn new things about my struggle, about my self.  Often times, I feel very bad, angry, sad, hurt.  These emotions are quite uncomfortable and I wish I could just shunt time off to the non-feeling part of me.  But these hurts, these feelings represent the underlying emotional wounds that MUST be healed.  I think of it like a splinter.  Of course, a splinter hurts, and will cause problems if not removed.  However, the process of removing the splinter is sometimes, often, more painful that the splinter itself.  Without experiencing the intense pain of removing the splinter, the wound will fester until the day we die. 


Finally, a word of encouragement.  In January and February of this year, I was hopelessly submerged in acting out and hooking up.  I did not want to stop, I wanted to continue to find ways to deaden the pain and fill the void.  I believe that God allowed me to immerse myself in sin so that I would fully understand my unregenerate condition, so that I would come to a point of complete hopelessness, in order to fully realize that my healing must be MY choice and itrmust be an ACTIVE choice.  God will work with me, and God will  multiple my efforts ten fold or a hundred fold.   

God wants you to be whole.  God wants you to understand that is our deep, innate, God given desires that are at the root of our dysfunction.  God wants you to understand that these desires are GOOD, but our environment and society encourage us to pervert these desires and act out of our brokenness.

In Christ,
Paul


Scaring the crap out of people?


Sometimes we tend to think that scaring the crap out of people by letting them know about possible health issues like sexually transmitted diseases, cancer and the like resulting from men having sex with men is enough to keep them or their loved ones away from same-sex encounters. Is it really?


First and upfront: It certainly is necessary to do so. Few parents who adhere to the idea that when gay groups tell their kids at school how good and wonderful and normal the gay life actually is, know about the other side. Gay activists have a hard time explaining that side, as it is obvious that it is not a “homophobic” society that they can blame for that, but the way especially gay men have sex with one another. Also those who think about doing so themselves or who are already involved in the gay scene should get a detailed idea of what can and does happen. At best in real life: Seeing someone suffer takes a lot away from the “gay” life.

The problem is: Is this enough?


Read my lips: NO. This tactic alone never works. Just look at all the things they write on cigarette packages. That might shy away some, but who really wants to go for it, knows all of that – and smokes anyway. If we focus on scaring the crap out of people, then what happens is that “safer sex” campaigns will be pushed. Put on a condom and all is fine. Aside from the fact that a condom does not prevent all diseases, not even all contagious diseases, we start at the end if we do so. As the saying goes: A stiff --- doesn’t have a conscience. Once you’re horny and had some beers or once you are naked in a bathhouse you might or you might not put on a condom. Even if you do – there are diseases, emotional, relational and spiritual consequences a condom cannot protect you from. Why not addressing same-sex acts the same way we should address many other issues in society: By going back to the roots. If we raise godly children, tell them about sexuality and family the way God sees them and keep those moral standards ourselves, they will not even get to the point where they need a condom at first place. The 60s with their “sexual revolution” have done away with traditional Christian family values uphold for centuries – and replaced them with nothing. Almost everything goes – and the boundaries and taboos are being pushed further almost each year. Even gender identities are not safe from being open for discussion and “change”. Moral relativism reigns – we all are gods. No wonder we are in trouble.


We need to love people with same-sex attractions the way Christ loves them and we also need to tell them the truth in love and show them a better alternative. Through our own lives and example we should let Christ become present in us so others want Him too. Sex isn’t just “good” or “fun”. Sex is holy – meant for the good of two heterosexual spouses in a lifetime monogamous marriage and also to produce the most wonderful gift on earth: children. Everything (!) else – including inappropriate heterosexual acts – falls short of that ideal and will have consequences no condom can protect you from.


So to cut a long story short: It is not an “either/or”, but an “and”. Yes, we need to show people where it can lead to if they turn their face away from the loving Father who does not tell them what to do or not to do because He can, but because He loves us and knows about the consequences of our running away from Him. But shying away from the bad is not enough –we need to show them where to run to afterwards. “Just say NO!” is a pretty poor guideline for those involved. We better let people know what to say “YES!” to – and why.


Robert



Statistics on sexual promiscuity among homosexuals

by Matt Slick
9/13/11

Promiscuity

28% of homosexual men had more than 1000 partners: "Bell and Weinberg reported evidence of widespread sexual compulsion among homosexual men. 83% of the homosexual men surveyed estimated they had had sex with 50 or more partners in their lifetime, 43% estimated they had sex with 500 or more partners; 28% with 1,000 or more partners. Bell and Weinberg p 308." 
(exodusglobalalliance.org/ishomosexualityhealthyp60.php)

79% of homosexual men say over half of sex partners are strangers: "The survey showed 79% of the respondents saying that over half of their sexual partners were strangers. Seventy percent said that over half of their sexual partners were people with whom they had sex only once. Bell and Weinberg pp.308-309." (exodusglobalalliance.org/ishomosexualityhealthyp60.php)

Modal range for homosexual sex partners 101-500: "In their study of the sexual profiles of 2,583 older homosexuals published in Journal of Sex Research, Paul Van de Ven et al. found that "the modal range for number of sexual partners ever [of homosexuals] was 101–500." In addition, 10.2 percent to 15.7 percent had between 501 and 1000 partners. A further 10.2 percent to 15.7 percent reported having had more than 1000 lifetime sexual partners. Paul Van de Ven et al., "A Comparative Demographic and Sexual Profile of Older Homosexually Active Men," Journal of Sex Research 34 (1997): 354." (exodusglobalalliance.org/ishomosexualityhealthyp60.php)

1978 study, 78% of gay men ad more than 100 partners, 28% more than 1000: "A far-ranging study of homosexual men published in 1978 revealed that 75 percent of self-identified, white, gay men admitted to having sex with more than 100 different males in their lifetime: 15 percent claimed 100-249 sex partners; 17 percent claimed 250-499; 15 percent claimed 500-999; and 28 percent claimed more than 1,000 lifetime male sex partners. By 1984, after the AIDS epidemic had taken hold, homosexual men were reportedly curtailing promiscuity, but not by much. Instead of more than 6 partners per month in 1982, the average non-monogamous respondent in San Francisco reported having about 4 partners per month in 1984." (catholiceducation.org/articles/homosexuality/ho0075.html)

There is an extremely low rate of sexual fidelity among homosexual men as compared to married heterosexuals. Among married females 85% reported sexual fidelity. Among married men, 75.5% reported sexual fidelity. Among homosexual males in their current relationship, 4.5% reported sexual fidelity. (Sources:Laumann, The Social Organization of Sexuality, 216; McWhirter and Mattison, The Male Couple: How Relationships Develop (1984): 252-253; Wiederman, "Extramarital Sex," 170. This is extracted from http://www.frc.org/get.cfm?i=IS04C02)

(Source: https://carm.org/statistics-homosexual-promiscuity)


Dangers of Homosexuality According To Independent Government Agencies.


Summary:


    The HIV and AIDS crisis is worse than ever among Gay and Bisexual men with 1 in 5 being infected with HIV or AIDS in 2010. With over 270,000 gay men having died of AIDS and over a half million gay men currently infected with HIV or AIDS the toll of the gay lifestyle is devastating.

    Marriage represents a commitment to sexual exclusivity and fidelity. Gay marriage is not comparable to Heterosexual marriage because in over 50% of Gay relationships the partners agree, going into the relationship, to NOT be sexually monogamous.

(All sources are from impartial Govt. agencies like the C.D.C. and N.I.M.H.)
H.I.V. and AIDS Among Homosexual and Bisexual Men

Dr. Kevin Fenton, M.D., is the director of Centers for Disease Control (CDC) National Center for HIV/AIDS. He made the following statements in 2010 about HIV and AIDS, that it "exacts a devastating toll on men who have sex with men." "HIV remains a serious health threat among gay and bisexual men." "HIV remains a crisis that is far from over in this community."


He is referring to the following statistics released in 2010 by the CDC on men who have sex with men (MSM) in the United States. The CDC estimates that men who have sex with men, MSM, account for just 2-4 percent of the U.S. male population aged 13 and older and yet have the following catastrophic numbers affecting this small group.


    One in five Homosexual or Bisexual men is infected with HIV.
    Men who have sex with men (MSM) are 44 times more likely to get infected with HIV.
    MSM account for more than half of all new HIV infections in the U.S. each year.
    Nearly half of HIV infected men were unaware of their HIV status.
    The number of gay and bisexual men who are infected with HIV each year - 28,700.
    The number of people who die from AIDS each year - 18,000. The vast majority are gay and bisexual men.
    The total number of gay and bisexual men who are currently infected with HIV as of 2010 - 532,000.
    The total number of gay and bisexual men who have died due to HIV or AIDS as of 2010 - 279,000.



Syphilis, Hepatitis B, and Anal Cancer
Among Homosexual and Bisexual Men


It is not just with HIV and AIDS that gay and bisexual men have catastrophic risk factors.

This high percentage risk also applies to other diseases:


    - In 2006, 64% of the reported primary and secondary syphilis cases were among men who have sex with men (MSM).
    Syphilis MSM Fact Sheet
    - Approximately 15%–25% of all new Hepatitis B virus (HBV) infections in the United States are among MSM
    Hepatitis, Populations, MSM
    - Men who have sex with men are 17 times more likely to develop anal cancer than heterosexual men. Men who are HIV-positive are even more likely than those who are uninfected to develop anal cancer.”
    MSM Health and STDs

Gay Monogamy and Open Relationships

When Gay couples talk about monogamy, they are not talking about sexual monogamy.

Excerpts from the actual 2010 released study funded by the Govt. (NIMH):

    Primary partners are an important and unrecognized source of new infections
    Almost all gay couples have sexual agreements with their primary partner, and roughly 50% of these agreements are open and allow sex with outside partners.



Excerpt from the New York Times about the latest Govt. (NIMH) funded study about sexual monogamy in gay couples:


"New research at San Francisco State University reveals just how common open relationships are among gay men and lesbians in the Bay Area. The Gay Couples Study has followed 556 male couples for three years - about 50 percent of those surveyed have sex outside their relationships, with the knowledge and approval of their partners.


That consent is key. "With straight people, it's called affairs or cheating," said Colleen Hoff, the study's principal investigator, "but with gay people it does not have such negative connotations."

"None of this is news in the gay community, but few will speak publicly about it. Of the dozen people in open relationships contacted for this column, no one would agree to use his or her full name, citing privacy concerns. They also worried that discussing the subject could undermine the legal fight for same-sex marriage."

(Source: The Torah Declaration: http://www.torahdec.org/GovtInfo.aspx. Used with permission)



Ken Horne war ein junger Mann, der von Oregon nach San Francisco zog - auf der Suche nach Liebe. Er suchte den Mann, den er "heiraten" konnte. "Als er keinen Gatten fand, nahm er das Nächstbeste - Sex - und bald wurde Sex zu so etwas wie seiner Karriere. Es war nicht Liebe, aber wenigstens fühlte es sich gut an. (...) Als der Fokus beim Sex von Leidenschaft zur Technik wechselte, lernte Ken all die Dinge, die man tun konnte, um seinem Körper Vergnügen abzuringen. Die sexuellen Praktiken wurden immer esoterischer; das war der einzige Weg, um der Langeweile zu entkommen.." Dennoch dachte er immer noch, "das Leben ist eine Enttäuschung." Ken Horn war der erste berichtete AIDS-Fall in San Francisco. Am 30. November 1981 holte George Kennetz Horne jr. einen letzten gequälten Atemzug und verschwand in die totale Dunkelheit.?" (Randy Shilts, And The Band Played On)



Sagarin und John P. LeRoy warnen in The Homosexual and His Society: A View From Within: Wenn ein Homosexueller "erwartet, dass sein gelegentlicher Sexpartner irgendwie zu seinem Liebhaber oder Lebensgefährten wird, seine Chancen auf Erfüllung dieser Hoffnungen in der Realität sehr gering sind. (...) Viel zu viele Homosexuelle sehen das schwule Leben als ein Mittel, einen Liebhaber zu finden, wenn es doch eher eines ist, um einen One-Night-Stand zu finden!" "Ein beträchtlicher Anteil der homosexuellen Aktivitäten hat wenig oder kein Vorspiel oder irgendeine Form von Zärtlichkeit oder Zuneigung zwischen den Partnern. Solche Akte finden nicht so sehr zwischen zwei Personen als zwischen Teilen ihrer Körper statt. Sie sind mehr genital als persönlich. Jeder der beiden sieht seinen Partner nur als ein Mittel zum Ziel an: seinen sexuellen Drang zu befriedigen."


Dr. Robert Kronemeyer warnt, "Eine der Anzeichen, an denen Homosexualität gemessen werden kann, ist die Promiskuität; sie umfasst die Intensität der dahinterliegenden panischen Angst. Das Bedürfnis, seine Begehrenswürdigkeit zu "beweisen" ist unersättlich. Getrieben von Partner zu Partner, springt der Homosexuelle von einer "Eroberung" zur nächsten - entlang der grenzenlosen Straße der "unendlichen Liebe". Sein sexueller Zwang ist wie der Drang eines Drogensüchtigen nach dem nächsten Schuss oder ein Drink für den unstillbaren Durst eines Alkoholikers. "Schwul" zu sein, heißt in die Bar zu gehen," jammerte ein Mann - einer von vielen Homosexuellen - "den großen Auftritt zu machen, zu schauen und nochmals zu schauen, einen One-Night-Stand zu haben, niemals wirklich zu lieben oder geliebt zu werden - all dies zu wissen und es doch jede Nacht wieder zu tun. Jahr für Jahr." (Overcoming Homosexuality)


Alan Bell vom Kinsey Institute schreibt: "Ein typisches Bild des männlichen weißen Homosexuellen basierend auf unseren Forschungsergebnissen wäre das eines Menschen, der von mindestens 1.000 Sexpartnern während seines Lebens berichtet, von denen er die meisten vor dem sexuellen Kontakt nicht kannte und mit denen er nur einmal Sex hatte. Nur für wenige dieser Personen empfand er so etwas wie Zuneigung oder hat er überhaupt im gesellschaftlichen Rahmen wieder gesehen." "In frühen Studien - durchgeführt vom CDC (Centers for Disease Control) berichteten homosexuelle Männer mit AIDS von durchschnittlich 1.160 Sexpartnern während ihres Lebens." (Harry W. Haverkos, M.D. and Robert Edelman, M.D., The Journal of the American Medical Association)
Sieht das für dich nicht eher wie Verachtung als wie Liebe aus?


"Ich konnte mit Männern nichts anfangen (...) Ich beneidete sie, aber ich verachtete sie auch. Manchmal wünschte ich, dass ?ich das hätte, was sie haben?. Manchmal wurde dieser Wunsch sexuell verwirrt bis ich dachte, ich wollte sie und nicht das, was sie besaßen." (Ed Hurst with Dave and Neta Jackson, Overcoming Homosexuality)

"Für gewöhnlich zeigt man seinen Körper nicht und wenn man es doch tut, ist man entweder nervös oder hat die Absicht, jemand damit zu beeindrucken. Man hat den Eindruck, dass der fremde Blick, der über den eigenen Körper geht, ihn von sich selbst stiehlt oder andererseits, dass die Zurschaustellung des eigenen Körpers den Anderen einem wehrlos ausliefert und dass in diesem Fall der Andere zum Diener reduziert wird. (...) In dem Maße, in dem ich einen Körper habe, werde ich unter dem Blick einer anderen Person zum Status eines Objekts reduziert und ich zähle nicht mehr länger als ein Mensch für ihn. Oder ich werde selbst sein Herr und schaue ihn meinerseits an. Aber diese Herrschaft bedeutet auch meine eigene Niederlage, denn genau dann, wenn mein eigener Wert durch den Blick eines anderen anerkannt wird, ist dieser nicht mehr der Mensche, von dem ich anerkannt werden wollte, sondern jemand, der fasziniert und seiner Freiheit beraubt ist und der deshalb nicht mehr zählt in meinen Augen." (M. Merleau-Ponty, Phenomenology of Perception)